Take the Ticket. Enjoy the Ride.

Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

Yeah, that's right. I haven't posted anything since Obama trounced McCain in the presidential election. Why? Because for the last 20 days I've been slavin' away in the pursuit of academic merits! I've been getting piledriven by midterms, suplexed by classroom management plans, and atomic elbowed by advanced Russian grammar! It's been a rough coupl'a weeks is all. But, have I learned anything? Let's find out.

Byronic heroes are dicks: So I have this class called Russian culture. It's all about Russian literature that has been written at the turn of the century, right before the tsars where 86'd so the Bolsheviks could set up shop. Apparently it was pretty hip at this time to integrate what us literary hipsters call a "Byronic Hero" into Russian novels. Anywho, Byronic Heroes (taken from Lord Byron; famous romantic poet, Greek revolutionary, and sexual deviant) are dicks. But they're kinda like cool dicks. Frank N. Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a pretty good example of what I'm talking about. I'm not sure why this archetype took such a strong foothold in Russia, but we've read about four books now that prominently feature a bored intellectual who uses his good looks and cultural acumen to woo ladies and then break their hearts in front of the men who really love them. Interesting, no?

Rewards can punish kids just like punishments can punish kids. But maybe they can't?: There's this dude goes by the name of Alfie Kohn. He's all about reforming the classroom to be less about rewards and punishments, and more about student/teacher democracy. To which I say, "Awesome! In this perfect fantasy world, do I have my own butler on a luxury space station orbiting planet Goodtimes?" Yes it's wrong to teach kids that they're in school in order to get a letter on a piece of important looking paper. Yes it's wrong to make kids afraid of participating in class discussions because they think you're going to punish them for wanting to learn. But let's just take a step back and realize that our entire society is based on a system of rewards and punishments, and that's just a cold hard fact that kids are gonna have to deal with.

Eastern European wedding customs are bizarre and unsettling: One day in my Slavic Folklore class, we watched a home movie of a wedding in some village located in Yugoslavia. Now, I mentally checked out about thirty minutes into the thing, because at the end of the day, you're watching someone's poorly made wedding video. Here's what I remember seeing though: The entire village population dancing in the street while firing pistols into the air, the groom attempting to sharpshoot an apple that has been hung from the bride's roof, the groom attempting to pay the bride's sister for permission to enter the bride's room to claim her as his own, lot's of funny hats, a very long church ceremony where both bride and groom looked nervous at first, but then slightly tired. Messed me up good.

Preacher by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon is badass: I'm about five TPB's (that's "trade paperbacks" for all you plebians) into this series, and I freaking love it. It's like an existential western road movie with vampires, demons, angels, and a horrendously botched suicide inspired by Kurt Cobain's own demise. There's a cinematic quality to Ennis' and Dillon's work that I've never seen in another comic book. And it is also home to a character called The Saint of Killers, who is possibly the most terrifying, grizzled, pissed off, and vengeful fellas I've ever seen. This doesn't really have to do with school, but it was nice to spend some downtime with the Reverend Jesse Custer, his gal Tulip O'Hare, and their mutual undead friend Cassidy the Irish vampire.

I can't think of any other important lessons that I learned over the last 20 days, and I blame this on the fact that my brain was getting punched in the nuts for at least 16 of said 20 days, and just wants to exit my head via my ear so it can saturate itself in a healthy brine of fried chicken, apple beer, pizza, and David Lynch movies.

Politics, Shmolitics.

Halloweenie Roast 6: A Symphony of Horror

The 6th annual Halloweenie Roast has come and gone, and it was a pretty good one! This year's theme was horror movie musicals. On the agenda was The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Cannibal: The Musical, Sweeney Todd, and F.W. Murnau's silent film Nosferatu (it included music by Type O Negative, so it still fit the theme). We got through two and a half horror movie musicals (didn't get the chance to do the Nosferatu) before the group consciousness decided that it was time for sleep.

This was also the very first Halloweenie Roast that has taken place outside of my parents' basement, so that's kind of monumental. We fit about eleven people fairly comfortably in our dinky apartment, gorged on various chili dog creations, and experimented with new flavors of Doritos (spicy chili Doritos are way good, btw).

Highlights of the evening were when I tried to carry five twelve-packs of soda plus one big case of bottled water up the stairs to our apartment. I realized that it was a bad idea when I dropped them all mid-staircase. Luckily, the collateral damage of my overzealous soda-carrying ego only amounted to one diet Dr. Pepper, which exploded on the pavement; Matt Garcia's weird Hawaiian BBQ potato chips (they'd be good on a peanut butter sandwich! Don't knock it 'till you try it!); Danny's and Emi's giant tub o' popcorn (we ate most of it! Gluttony!); and Wong's visible disgust regarding Tim Curry in drag.

All in all, it was a good roast. Any suggestions on next year's theme? Or maybe other forms of debauchery that we could include in the glorious roast tradition? Anywho, thanks to everyone who came and brought food and stuff. You guys are sexy bitches.

We Found A Witch, May We Burn Her?

Young folks who unintentionally document the last horrific moments of their lives have become a pretty reliable horror/sci-fi convention nowadays (Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead, Quarantine). It's also become quite a popular critical stance to describe these films as an exposition of how much we love iPhones and YouTube, which I guess has some merit. I'm pretty sure we're about two skips and a jump away from full on Philip K. Dick/William Gibson-style transhumanism. Bearing this convention and what it means for us in the information age in mind, it's nice to go back about ten years and watch The Blair Witch Project. This film pioneered the handheld POV convention while continuing to prey upon the audience's fear of the dark. Much like Orson Welles did with his radio broadcast of Wells' The War of the Worlds, Dan Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez combined a timeless fear with a new technological medium with such palpability that people actually thought it depicted real events.
Though the brilliant marketing campaign could be credited with the massive profits that this film accrued, it wouldn't have worked if the characters and situations came off as unbelievable. Even thought the movie is about an unexplained disappearance perpetrated by a dead witch, it feels painfully real. For example, the three types of college film students are represented perfectly (yes, there are only three types!). Heather is the serious one who thinks film is her way to make some difference in the world, and that documentary filmmaking is the only "true" art form and blah blah blah. Josh is the goth-geek who had a helluva time in high school, so he turned to his own world of horror movies and industrial music and tells people that he wants to make movies because he's an artist, but really he just wants to be famous. Mike is a frat boy who happened to have sound/recording experience, so studying film would be the easiest way to graduation. Oh, and let's not overlook the fact that all three of these characters start the film ugly and end the film butt-ugly. You saw Cloverfield. There's no way people that good looking could exist in the real world. And I'm pretty sure that they get better looking as the film goes on; hair artfully tousled with a smattering of fake dust, clothing rips that strategically draw the eye to ample cleavage or chiseled biceps a la personal trainer. Not in Blair Witch! Those people actually look like they're going through absolute overexposed, malnourished, hunted hell! The handheld camera captures the dirt under their fingernails, the sweat in their hair, and of course the fountains of snot and tears that gush out of Heather's nose as she comes to grips with the fact that they're gonna die alone and terrified in the middle of nowhere.
After re-watching Blair Witch, I've decided that modern POV movies aren't really a critique as much as they are an exercise in embracing the upgrade. They're flashier, heavy on the CGI, and star some flawlessly attractive people. They are the iPod to Blair Witch's Discman. Whoa. It feels weird to even write "Discman."

When There Is No More Room In Hell....

They're Probably Pretty Cool...Probably.

It's just barely October, and already I'm getting a serious urge to subject myself to lots of horror movies and lots of fun-size candy bars (truth be told, I start getting those twinges of blood/candylust around the end of August). The following is a list of movies that I've always wanted to see, but as of yet have not. I'm thinking that they might make the cut for the 6th annual Halloweenie Roast. Anyway, here goes:

Cemetery Man: From what I've read about this flick, it sounds pretty much right up my alley. It's basically about this dude who works as a cemetery caretaker. When zombies start to rise up from the graves in his cemetery, he takes responsibility for the zombie invasion and tries to kill them before they can leave, so as not to disturb the sleepy town surrounding said cemetery. Eventually he falls in love with a dark, beautiful, and recently widowed woman and their relationship takes a tragic turn when she becomes one of the cursed undead. Does he kill her? Does he decide to join her in zombie damnation? I don't know! That's why I'd like to see this movie. That and the zombies and cemeteries and brain mutilations.

The Last House On the Left: This one is important to me for a few reasons. It's Wes Craven's first movie, and I'm interested in taking a look at his first stab (get it?) at horror movies. Also, the story sounds both fascinating and terrifying. It's about a pair of girls who go to a rock concert and get killed on the way home. The movie then puts you in the perspective of one girl's parents who unintentionally welcome their daughter's killers into their home. Instead of taking a predictable turn and having the killers terrorize the quaint suburban family, Craven has the girl's parents find out the truth about their guests and cruelly mete out vengeance as the night progresses.

Wait Until Dark: Unlike many movies that I haven't seen but want to, I haven't spent much time reading about the synopsis of this flick. What I do know is that Audrey Hepburn plays a blind chick who gets mixed up with some seriously evil dudes (one of which is Alan Arkin! Him playing a psycho is 75% of why I want to see this movie) and terror ensues. The other 25% of the reason I want to see this movie is for this one scene I saw whilst watching Bravo's "Hundred Scariest Movie Moments" when Mr. Arkin leaps out of a dark room ready to attack the blind Ms. Hepburn. She can't see him! You can! Terror!

Dead End Drive-In: I know nothing about this one, save that it's a horror movie set in a drive-in theater, which is something Sheree and I have talked about a lot. The drive-in is one of the most perfect places to set a horror movie. It's dark, there's lots of opportunity for horny teenagers to fornicate before getting their throats cut, and the snack bar is open all night! Anywho, I might be overexcited to watch this one, because as you can see by the cover, it's probably a piece of fried crap.

I Am Omega: This one I know will be a total piece of fried crap. But, it's not on this list because I think it's a possibly brilliant exercise in horror, no no no, my friends. It's on this list because The Chairman from Iron Chef America is the protaganist and he battles zombies in a complete ripoff of both I Am Legend and Omega Man (see? I Am+Omega). Tell me that you're not just a teensy bit curious to see how they managed to take that concept and run with it.

The Hills Have Eyes: Just so we're clear, I don't mean Alexandre Aja's remake (which I've already seen. Meh), but Wes Craven's original. I just like the idea of a mutant clan that terrorizes travelers in the Southwest deserts of America. See that guy on the cover? He doesn't have any fingernails! In real life!

Right. That's definitely not all of them, but it's a good list so far, and I'm getting tired and hungry. 'Kay, bye.

25 Is So Last Year

On this most joyous day of my birth, please join me in an online movie marathon that I think pretty accurately depicts everything that is cool.

Enjoy!

Cool Stuff This Week: Spaced and The Boys

As Sheree already stated, Spaced is awesome. It's great that a show like this existed, and before I go on, I'd like to take you with me on an angry tangent about American TV. Okay, Spaced was on for two seasons (14 episodes), which is around the same length as some great American shows (Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development, Firefly, Twin Peaks). The difference? All of the good American TV shows were canceled, whereas Spaced went off the air because the creators wanted to start making motion pictures. That being said, I'm glad that Spaced was birthed across the pond. Otherwise, who knows how many episodes might have been prematurely destroyed by a short-sighted American TV network?
Anywho, the show must really be seen to be believed, so here's a brief taste that Danny showed me a long time ago. Oh, and this quote's pretty good: "Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like f***king Shaft!"

On another, comic book related note, I recently cracked into a pretty good one by Garth Ennis called The Boys. In brief, it's about a semi-superpowered team of CIA spooks who make sure to hold superheroes accountable for the collateral damage that their exploits inflict on the innocent. Interestingly enough, artist Darick Robertson contacted Simon Pegg to use his likeness for a character named Wee Hughie whose girlfriend gets killed in a skirmish between a superhero named A-Train and some ignominious supervillain. As a way to deal with his grief, Hughie accepts an invitation to join The Boys from the aptly named team leader Billy Butcher.
Since it's a Garth Ennis tale, there's a lot of twisted stuff in here, most of it perpetrated by costumed superhero types. They're all about dogooding and justice while they are on camera, but in their secret fortresses and lairs they indulge themselves in bizarre excesses and deviant behavior that come as a byproduct of their apparent invincibility. So, you don't feel so bad when The Boys beat the snot out of a group called Teenage Kix directly after outing one of their principal members and ruining their public image. It's especially gratifying when Hughie, recently doped up on "super-serum" type pharmaceuticals, accidentally punches a hole through Blarney Cock's chest.
The action seems to be mounting up to a major confrontation between The Boys and America's leading superhero team, The Seven (Basically like the JLA, if the JLA let their celebrity status run away with them and turn them into a bunch of pricks). It's probably gonna be pretty messy.

How's that for a piece of fried gold?

I Eat Ganados For Breakfast...With Skim Milk.

So...close....to....falling...a....sleep.... Must....write.....weblo....g.....

Hoo boy, Tuesdays and Thursdays are lo-ong. As I write this, I'm in one of my four classes and I am having a hell of a time keeping my eyes open. Wanna hear about Resident Evil 4 and how I just barely finished it? You do? Okay. I'll tell you about my experience doing battle with Las Plagas.
So in this freaking sweet game, you play as a dude named Leon. Leon's pretty badass! He survived Resident Evil 2 and saw Raccoon City nuked by the American military as the T-Virus got totally out of control on his first day as a cop. Apparently, Leon is so impressed by the government's testosterone driven use of overkill that he decides to become a government security agent. A few years after the eradication of Raccoon City, Leon gets called to Europe to investigate the kidnapping of the U.S. president's daughter. At first, he thinks it's the work of an obscure Spanish death cult that harbors a secret terrorist agenda. And he's right! Except that the majority of the cult members have been enslaved by sentient parasites known only as.... Las Plagas. This means that once you figure out that shooting cultists in the head is the best way to kill them, the Plagas pop out of their bloody neck-stumps with tentacles and bones and try to eat your face.
Throughout his mission, Leon remains pretty dense as to what's really going on (he's just here to get the president's daughter and get out! What the hell are Las Plagas anyway? Who cares?) but he eventually figures it out when he gets injected with a Plaga of his very own. Once Leon starts to cough up blood and lose control of his will, he figures that something bigger is going down after all.
As the mystery unravels, it becomes revealed that a guy named Osmund Saddler is the leader of this cult (meaning he can control the Plagas themselves. He has this crazy staff that has eyes and tentacles that makes this possible), and his grand, malevolent plan involves injecting the president's daughter with a Plaga and sending her back home to infect the president and eventually....the world. As Leon's old friend/new nemesis Jack Krauser notes: "A conservative mind wouldn't understand the good that we're doing..." Sick burn, conservatives!

At this point, I imagine that many of you are saying to yourselves, "Alex, this game came out like, three years ago. How come you're just now getting around to finishing it?" Well, friend-o, I'll tell you. First, I didn't get a Gamecube for awhile. I purchased one for the express purpose of playing Resident Evil 4 because I played a demo whilst I was working at Gamestop. I played it pretty steadily, until I got to the freaking scary island facility and the freaking scary regenerators/iron maidens. Regenerators are genetically altered freaks of nature that can't be killed! That is, can't be killed until you get a thermal imaging scope for your sniper rifle. Then you have to shoot the Plagas that are responsible for growing back the creature's limbs after you blow them off with a shotgun.
So, I fought a couple of them, enduring their inhuman mouth-breathing and glowing red eyes for a pretty good amount of time. It was always such a relief when their metabolism sped up and caused them to implode. But there was this one encounter that scared me so bad that I peed a little in my pants and had to stop playing outright. I was faced with a regenerator, I accidentally shot its leg off, it slithered towards me like a giant snake, hopped up, and took a bite out of my shoulder! I couldn't handle the sheer shock of what happened, so I shut off my Gamecube and changed my pants. I didn't touch it again until it came out on the Wii, and decided to give it another go. I manned up, if you will, slaying all manner of Cronenbergian abominations until I stood face to face with Osmund "crazy legs" Saddler himself (well, it was face to face until his head blew up and turned into a scorpion made out of muscle and gravy). I blew his terrorist eyeball-mouth to kingdom come, rescued the president's daughter (on a jetski!), and blew up the island. It was awesome!

Resident Evil 5 is due out sometime next year, and I am stoked to once again play it, get too scared to finish it, and then come back years later for another attempt. It'll feature running zombies, a la 28 Days Later! F***k yeah!

There Is No Shermer, Illinois.

1. Did you date anyone from your high school? Yes. Her name was Andrea. She was the Antichrist.
2. What kind of car did you drive? I started with the Pony, but a dumptruck ran over it while I was sluffing. Afterwards, I drove a sweet Honda Civic. It had a sunroof!
3. What was the most embarrassing moment of high school? Probably the time I threw up in the drinking fountain outside of my ceramics class. It was only embarrassing because there ended up being some people in the hall that I didn't see before I let loose my vomitous thunder.
4. Where you a party animal? No, but I was an avid party animal rights activist.
5. Were you considered a flirt? Probably not.
6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No.
7. Were you a nerd? Depends on whether or not you differentiate between "geek" and "nerd."
8. Were you on any varsity teams? Nope. We just heckled the opposing team at varsity football games.
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No, but I did own a pair of suspenders.
10. Can you still sing the fight song? They didn't allow fights at my school.
11. Who were your favorite teachers? The ones that didn't suck.
12. Where did you sit during lunch? In the commons. They erected a wolf-like monument on the place where we sat, so as to commemorate our outstanding progress in the field of slacking.
13. What was your school's full name? Riverton International House of Pancakes.
14. School mascot? A stupid silverwolf.
15. Did you go to homecoming? With who? Yes. With the aforementioned Antichrist.
16. If you could go back and do it again, would you? No, but I would like to go back and shoot myself with a paintball gun.
17. What do you remember most about graduation? Going to Denny's around four in the morning and ordering nothing but a grapefruit juice and a vanilla Coke. It was gross.
18. Where did you go on senior skip day? I don't know what that is.
19. Were you in any clubs? No. Nor did I go clubbing.
20. Have you gained some weight since then? I imagine so.
21. Who was your prom date? The aforementioned, aforementioned Antichrist.
22. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? I guess so. My 5 year reunion involved a chocolate fountain, which was lovely.
23. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Don't be such a moron. Now I'm going to shoot you with a paintball gun.

Comic-Con Freakout Blast-O-Rama!!!! (Pt. 3)

And now, the eagerly awaited final chapter....

So, remember in my last post when I said shit got real on Saturday and Sunday? Well, it did. Our top priority was to hit the Battlestar Galactica (or BSG, to hardcore mutha-frakkers). But a dilemma presented itself: The BSG panel was in ballroom 20, but right before it started, there was a Lost panel in hall H, which we also wanted to see (mainly because Lost is awesome). After some deliberation, we decided to split up. Sheree was going to hold our seats in ballroom 20 (and brave the dreaded spotlight on Dean Koontz that was also scheduled to take place in ballroom 20) while I waited in line to see if the Lost creators decided to reveal any news as to the next season and whatnot. I waited in line for a really long time, and managed to get in to see the ass end of the Lost panel, in which fanboys asked questions that the creators obviously weren't going to answer (i.e. "so uhhh, like, what's the deal with the black smoke thingy?"). At this point, I realized that anything cool that the Lost panel had to offer was had already been doled out, so I made a mad dash back to ballroom 20, hoping against hope that I'd be able to get back to the seats that Sheree was holding (you see, right before the BSG panel was a panel dedicated to Joss Whedon's new TV show Dollhouse. One of the many lessons that I learned at the Con was that everyone there thinks that Joss Whedon is God, hence his panels tend to get overcrowded). I barely squeezed myself in just as the Dollhouse panel started, and was able to reunite with Sheree when it ended. Oh, and it's also important to mention that on my return trip back to ballroom 20, I happened to run into John Cassaday (remember him? He draws Astonishing X-Men and was on the cool EW panel that I mentioned in my first Comic-Con post. I told him that I freaking loved Astonishing X-Men, and he was pretty genuinely cool. Good times).
Right. The BSG panel was boss. Kevin Smith was the moderator, and he introduced the creators (Ronald Moore and David Eick) as well as the principal cast (Tricia Helfer, James Callis, Katee Sackhoff, Michael Trucco, along with unannounced appearances by Jamie Bamber and Tahmoh Penikett). Of all the panels we sat in on, this one (and the Watchmen one) felt like the biggest deal. The final half of the final season will be on next year, and the cast had just finished filming the final episode, so it was kind of awesomely bittersweet to see them talk about their favorite moments on the show (fun fact: most of the cast felt that the scene where Galactica jumps right into the atmosphere of New Caprica and starts launching Vipers was the best moment of the show). Anywho, when they finished up, the whole mass of ballroom 20 stood up to offer them an ovation, to which they replied by standing up and offering the mass their applause. It was a great moment in time.

Afterwards, we decided to go down to see the exhibition floor. Unbeknownst to us, however, was the fact that Saturday is when tons of celebrities hang out at their respective employer's booths and sign autographs. This is when things got crazy awesome, and the exact tale goes something like this:

Sheree and I were navigating our way through the relentless throng of ninjas, pirates, C.O.B.R.A. terrorists, Autobots, and Decepticons when I noticed someone through the crowd. I had to look twice in order to be sure, but as we got closer to the WB booth, there was Nathan Fillion. Since I've been back, I've noticed that a lot of people don't really know who Nathan Fillion is, which is too bad. Oh, and the important part of this story is that Sheree has a huge crush on him. He was one of the three celebrities that Sheree was hoping to meet for riz (the other two being James Franco and James Callis). So we hopped in line to get his autograph (oh, I should mention that he was part of a group that was promoting a new animated Wonder Woman dvd, so we got all of the animators and stuff to sign this Wonder Woman poster). When we got to Mr. Fillion, I readied my camera to take his picture with Sheree, saying "Sheree has a huge crush on you!" to which he replied "Careful! I'll steal her away from you!" which caused Sheree so much joy that she almost threw up. It was dope.
Shortly after this occurrence, we wandered past the Troma booth where Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment, was talking to some schmuck about making movies. I noticed him and thought it would be cool to get him to sign my Comic-Con badge. So Sheree and I walked over and tried to get a word in, but before I could say anything, Mr. Kaufman walked out of the booth and kissed Sheree on the cheek saying, "All you need for a successful movie is a beautiful woman like this!" and then he wandered back to his booth. Freaking guy didn't even wanna talk to me :(

The last panel of the night was one dedicated to Pineapple Express, which we were really excited about. This one had Judd Apatow with Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Amber Heard, Evan Goldberg, and David Gordon Green. As with anything involving Judd Apatow, this whole panel was crazy funny. Plus, they showed like, five clips from the movie (which looks like it's going to be mindfudgingly good). This was also one of my favorite audience q & a sessions, because Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen would rip into certain people at just the right moments. It was great!

As for Sunday, we spent the entire day in the exhibition hall. Sure, we were looking for cool stuff to buy, but mainly, we wanted to make sure the experience would be fresh in our minds for a long time. When our legs started to hurt, we decided to check out the autograph booths upstairs because the ladies of Evil Dead (Ellen Sandweiss, Betsy Baker, and Theresa Tilley) were there signing autographs, and I thought it would be a cool addition to my Bruce Campbell autographed Army of Darkness poster. Before we get to them, I just want to say that the tables without any lines made me really sad. For example, there was some guy who was in Star Wars: Episode I, but I had no idea who he was. I felt bad because he was sitting there at his table with his little drink, but nobody gave a damn. But, I suppose if you are barely in a movie, you shouldn't expect people to want your autograph. Oh, and even worse were the tables that had Playboy centerfolds from ten years ago. That was just heart-breaking. But I digress. We went and talked to the Evil Dead ladies who were all very nice, so I bought a little picture for them to sign. During the autograph process, one of them asked where we were from and such, and I told them that we were from Utah on our honeymoon. At this, all three of them stopped and looked up. "You decided to come here on your honeymoon?" they asked in unison. At this, we both beamed and were like, "That's right! That's how kickass we are!" and they loved it.

And that's how we wrapped up our experiences at the Con. It was definitely a life-altering experience, and I've been on a geek buzz ever since we've been back. Many times during our trip I realized that a dream had come true, and that dream was this: Visiting the largest and most prestigious comic book convention in the world with my new bride, who is just as geeky as I am.

Comic-Con Freakout Blast-O-Rama!!!! (Pt. 2)

Before I continue my Comic-Con extravaganza, I need to correct a fatal omission about the Thursday movie panels. So, right after the Max Payne panel finishes, the moderator dude was all, "Now we have a special treat for you all...." I was intrigued! So we waited for a few minutes while this guy introduces the mystery guest who turned out to be none other than Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman! He popped in to show us the trailer for his new movie, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It might be too early to tell, but it looked badass.

Okay, now for the Friday festivities. The big event of the day was the Watchmen panel. We got there pretty early, and still had to wait in a huge freaking line (the lines were amazingly long, but were managed surprisingly well). It ended up being worth it though. Way worth it. Zack Snyder and the entire cast (Malin Akerman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson, Billy Crudup, Carla Gugino, Jackie Earle Haley, and Matthew Goode) were there to promote the flick, and Mr. Snyder showed the extended trailer not once, but twice! I think it was during this panel when I realized that the cast's interaction with one another on the panel is a good indicator of whether a movie is going to suck or not. They were all funny and charming (especially that Billy Crudup. He's so hot right now), and it made me way stoked to see the movie next year. After that, we went upstairs to peep on the Joss Whedon panel (mainly for the chance to see Nathan Fillion and Neal Patrick Harris. Joss Whedon's kind of a big nerd). We were late getting in because of all the rabid buffy fans, but they were there promoting their online musical called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which I have downloaded from iTunes but haven't watched yet.

Upon vacating Ballroom 20 (basically everything cool happens in Ballroom 20 and Hall H. Most of our time was spent walking back and forth between these two rooms), we went back to Hall H to see the Star Wars panel, which had some cool clips from the new videogame Force Unleashed (apparently Darth Vader kills the player's father when the player is a little kid. After sensing a strong presence of the Force with the player, he takes him in as an apprentice unbeknownst to Emperor Palpatine. Why unbeknownst? Because Vader wants to overthrow the mutha' f**kin' emperor, that's why!). Then they showed a few clips from the new Clone Wars movie, which (and I know I'm gonna catch hell for this) kinda, sorta, doesn't look as cool as the one Genndy Tartakovsky did for Cartoon Network already. Still, it was cool to see some new stuff.

After that panel, we caught another installment of Entertainment Weekly's "visionaries" series. This one was equally awesome because it involved filmmakers. The panel included Kevin Smith, Judd Apatow, Zack Snyder, and Frank Miller (yet another deuce-droppingly cool lineup, eh?) Though it was cool to see Frank Miller, he appeared like he didn't want to be there too much (Like, duh. He's making his first movie ever. They shoulda had Guillermo Del Toro. That would have kicked ass). I think the best part of this panel was when Kevin Smith and Judd Apatow made fun of each other, blatantly spurning "PG-13" atmosphere that the convention tried so hard to preserve. This served as a warm up for the next panel, which belonged to Kevin Smith and the cast of his upcoming flick Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Justin Long, Jason Mewes, Traci Lords, Katie Morgan, Ricky Mabe, and producer Scott Mosier). Again, they were damned hilarious, and the clips of the movie were pretty good as well (my personal fave was one where Justin Long makes out with Brandon Routh. Not because I'm a homo or anything, but it was pretty funny to see Superman make out with a Mac). All in all, these two panels kind of made me like Kevin Smith again, despite the shit brick that is Jersey Girl.

I'd go on, but I feel that Saturday and Sunday deserve a post dedicated solely to them. Those were the days when shit got real....

Oh, and we did take many pictures, but they were with Kodak disposables. I apologize for the lack of visual stimulation within my blogs. When I get them developed, I'll throw them up here.

Comic-Con Freakout Blast-O-Rama!!!! (Pt. 1)

I'm going to be honest with you all. It is not possible for me to properly express the affect that attending the San Diego Comic-Con has had on me. At times like these, I wish that I was either a professional journalist or William Shakespeare so that I could fully utilize the power of prose to paint a vivid picture of what I have seen and heard during my time here. So before I go into this, know that the reality of Comic-Con is twenty-seven trillion times more amazing than the paltry scribblings found here.

The sheer amount of bodies was the first thing that Sheree and I noticed as we made our way to the San Diego convention center. Within the pulsing crowd, pretty much every character from every comic book, movie, TV show, video game, and anime series could be found. And as if this wasn't enough of an assault to the senses, we entered the vast geekdom of the exhibition hall. The only way I can even come close to describing the synapses and images that were being fired into my brain at many gigabytes per second is this: Imagine an enclosed space the size of three city blocks packed full of everything that you ever thought was cool in your whole life. Every major movie, comic book, TV, and video game company was present, and best of all, they handed out tons and tons of free crap. Sheree and I just kind of stood in awe of the sights and sounds that were constantly assaulting our fragile senses. After some time, we went upstairs to watch the pilot of J.J. Abrams' new show called Fringe, which looked okay, but the principle of seeing a TV show that isn't going to air until September was pretty awesome.

And thus concluded Wednesday, otherwise known as Preview Night.

On Thursday, Comic-Con officially kicked off. Now, each day at Comic-Con is packed with panels, previews, fan group meetings, and spotlights. They've got about fifteen rooms that each have full programming schedules that last from 10:00 AM to 7:00 PM. So it's important that you plan your day out to maximize your chances of seeing cool stuff. Our day consisted of seeing a preview panel for the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still and Max Payne, followed by another panel for Push (some hack-job movie about psychic soldiers), Knowing (Alex Proyas' new flick about Nic Cage and disaster predictions), and Twilight (the adaptation of Stephanie Meyers' teen vampire book). Here's my critical analysis of what we saw: The Day the Earth Stood Still looks really dumb. It was cool to see Keanu Reeves, but he too is a really dumb guy. Jennifer Connelly managed to address her questions like a normal person, but Mr. Reeves had a tough time explaining what it was like to play an alien who's taken a human body ("It was like, uh, when I looked out of his eyes, I was like, looking out" his exact words. No joke). Overall, not so impressive. The Max Payne panel was much more entertaining. Mark Wahlberg was hilarious, and Mila Kunis was smokin' hot. Ludacris was awesome too. Plus, the footage they showed made me really excited to see the movie. After these two panels, we sat through one for Push, which looked pretty dumb too. The panel was kinda cool (Chris "Human Torch" Evans and Djimon "Blood Diamond" Hounsou were pretty entertaining). Then they brought out Alex Proyas (he directed The Crow, Dark City, and I, Robot) who has some disaster movie with Nicolas Cage called Knowing coming out. The movie looked okay, but I dunno.
The most surprising panel of all was for Twilight. There were a billion screaming teenage girls who were going nuts and all, but most of the cast seemed like they were either drunk or coked out of their minds. It was all very odd, and seeing them twerp it up on stage made me want to not see the movie.
When this concluded, we headed upstairs to see one of the Entertainment Weekly "Visionaries" panels. This particular one involved comic book writers/artists. Let me just give you the panel lineup, and we'll see how fast you crap your pants: Jim Lee, Mike Mignola, Grant Morrison, John Cassaday, Robert Kirkman, Matt Fraction, and Colleen Doran. All of them, in the same room, talking about how comics are awesome. On the negative side, Mike Mignola seemed like kind of an ass, which made me feel bad because Hellboy is so freaking awesome. But Robert Kirkman (he wrote the excellent Walking Dead series), Grant Morrison, Jim Lee, and John Cassaday (he draws Astonishing X-Men) were really pleasant and had some good stuff to say. The whole thing just made me feel happy in my heart.
After this, we made another trip down to the exhibition hall, and there was much rejoicing.

And thus concluded Thursday, otherwise known as day 1 of Comic-Con International.

To be continued with days 2, 3, and 4....

Only a Fortnight's Time!

It looks like it's been just about a month since I last left y'all with a mindblowing nugget of self-indulgent pop culture criticism or even a convoluted and overspecific "top 10" list. Just how in the hell have you all survived?

Sheree and I are getting married in about two weeks. Before I say anything else, I want you all to know that I am extremely excited for the actual wedding day. It's going to be so awesome that I can hardly stand it. But, in order to get to the extremely awesome wedding day, preparations have had to be made. Now, contrary to the way wedding planning goes in the movies, it takes a long time and everything about it is the worst thing in the world. I think that we're pretty much good to go at this point, save a few minor details that have to be arranged before July 18. It's going to be fun to see how everything meshes together, and it will be excellent to have these preparation pains behind us so that we can enjoy the married life among peace, quiet, and good tilled earth.

Now, for the sake of my own feelings of nostalgia about the time Sheree and I have spent together, I'd like to recount some cool moments that we have experienced:

1. So, there was this one time when we went to see The Strokes at In The Venue (which is a crappy name for a venue, bee-tee-doubleyou). On our way to Salt Lake City, a blue pickup truck spun out of control while trying to exit on to the I-215 belt route. Using my superior reflexes, I was able to dodge the oncoming vehicle, and get us safely to see one of the greatest bands in the world rock our socks off (side note: at this particular concert, The Strokes performed a cover of Lou Reed's "Take A Walk on the Wildside." Not a dry eye in the house). After the show, we walked back to my trusty VW Jetta that was docked within the bowels of Gateway Mall's parking garage, and we passed a vehicle in witch two people (or I guess it could have been one person) were copulating. It was a hell of a night.

2. Our first conversation was pretty awesome as well. It was many a year ago, in our History of Rock 'N Roll class. I noticed Sheree's amazing magenta hair and said to myself, "Wow. She's pretty much awesome." I spent most of the class thinking of something cool to say to her, but all I could come up with was, "So...how'd you get your hair that color?" Luckily, Sheree was a pretty accomplished conversationalist, and we talked about everything from John Hughes movies to the Utah Jazz while we walked to our next classes. It was this conversation that allowed Sheree to creep into my mind as one of the most fascinating people that I had ever met, which has been responsible for our continued and spine-crushingly cool relationship.

3. The first movies that we watched together helped forge us into the solid union that we are today. On our second date, we went to see The Incredibles. A short while later, I brought Kill Bill Vol. 1 over to watch on her couch. I did this because I knew that I'd have to bring Kill Bill Vol. 2 over the next night, so's we could continue getting makey-outey on her couch.
Our first full-blown movie marathon involved the Scream trilogy, a six pack of apple beer, and a chicken pesto pizza from Pier 49.
Around Christmas time, IFC was having a "very Freddy Christmas" and was showing A Nightmare on Elm Street followed by Wes Craven's New Nightmare, which we also beheld. Subsequent Christmases were dedicated to White Christmas, which is more appropriate. On New Year's, we were both in the mood to chill out rather than go down town. So we got some chips and sodas together, and we rang in the new year with a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
And let's not forget that during the midnight showing of Batman Begins, I asked Sheree to be my wife. Now, our wedding date will coincide with the release of The Dark Knight. Here's to the movies, babe.

I could go on and on about how awesome Sheree is, and how much fun we are going to have as swinging newlyweds, but I'll close up for now. 7-18-08! Awwwww yeeeaaah.

Attack of the Alphabet!

A-Attached or single: Attached. Though I consider myself more of an attache.
B-BFF: Sheree. She's so hot right now.
C-Cake or pie: I think i'll have to side with pie, mainly because of the pecan/pumpkin variety.
D-Day: Yes, it is.
E-Essential item: My Batman watch. The grappling hook has gotten me out of many a tight spot.
F-Favorite color: Red?
G-Gummy bears or worms: Worms. They were instrumental in getting me to stop eating real worms.
H-Home town: The Riverton.
I-Indulgences: Comic books, Chik-Fil-A, and calligraphy.
J-January or July: July. It's going to be a good one.
K-Kids: Baby goats.
L-Life is incomplete without: Sheree.
M-Marriage date: July 18, 2008! That's why July's going to be a good one!
N-Number of siblings: 3. They're my older brothers.
O-Oranges or apples: I like oranges. After you eat one, your hands smell all orangey.
P-Phobias or fears: Cylon tricks, chainsaw-wielding serial murderers, lobotomies, the cave people from The Descent, and leprosy.
Q-Quote: "The Dude abides." --The Big Lebowski
R-Reason to smile: I have all of my limbs.
S-Season: Autumn. It's all about my birthday, Halloween, and Thanksgiving.
T-Tag three: No! Well, everyone I would tag has been tagged.
U-Unknown fact about me: I cannot be harmed by conventional weapons.
V-Vegetarian or oppressor of animals: Oppressor! I can't get enough of their tasty innards.
W-Worst habit: Eating animal innards.
X-X-rays or ultrasounds: Aren't they like, the same thing?
Y-Your favorite food: Pasta, pot-stickers, a good burger, and cheesecake.
Z-Zodiac sign: Libra

Checkmate, Mr. Eko

Last night, I sat myself down for a heaping helping of Lost. It was the two-hour season 4 finale, and it was indeed gratifying! I've found myself letting this show sneak into my all-time top five, and it might even be competing with Twin Peaks for coolest TV show in the history of the world.
I know that there are a lot of haters out there. Lots of people who think the show is "overrated" or who have been known to say, "I just couldn't get into it." I have but one thing to say to such haters: "Pull your heads out of your collective asses!" I know that these haters only rag on the show because it's mainstream and popular, and to certain forms of life, anything that is mainstream and popular must be sucky. Though that can be said about many things (cough cough...Indy 4...cough cough), there are TV shows, movies, books, and music that completely deserve all the popularity they get. Lost is a good example of this anomaly.
Now, in honor of the season finale, I give you my ten most extreme Lost moments:

10. Nathan Fillion: Lost has had its share of contributors. Many actors/actresses have come and gone throughout the twisted tale of Oceanic 815. But none so cool as Mr. Fillion. He appeared during one of Kate's flashbacks as Kevin Callis, a man that Kate was dating and eventually married! This was an awesome moment because Nathan Fillion is, himself, awesome. I was excited to see him pop up and do his thing for Lost, and it gave me another reason to be bugged by Kate, who leaves him behind in pursuit of her personal demons. Anyone who dumps Mr. Fillion is kind of a moron, in my opinion.

9. Penny and Desmond: I think a lot of people get caught up in the love triangle among Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, but I kinda got tired of thinking about who Kate should end up with. Instead, I liked to focus on the other relationships on the Island. Sun and Jin are cool, Sayid and Nadia are cool but tragic, Hurley and Libby were cute but kind of weird, etc. But the coolest relationship of all is that of Penny and Desmond. I thought they had a good thing going in previous seasons, but there were two episodes of season 4 that made me want them to live happily ever after. First was in the episode called "The Constant" when Desmond fell victim to an involuntary bout with time travel. The past form of Daniel Faraday told him that he had to find some kind of anchor that would keep his mind from spinning out of control, and that anchor was Penny. He managed to make arrangements in the past so that he could call Penny in the future, thus preserving his sanity. The second moment took place in last night's finale, when they finally came upon Penny's boat and the two were totally reunited. This was extra cool because I was pretty sure that Desmond was going to die somehow.

8. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42: These numbers are present throughout the show, and stuff like this intrigues me. Hurley is the one who seems to be most involved with these numbers, mainly because he thinks they are cursed. The reason for this is because he played these numbers in a lottery and won. As a result, he was on the plane that crashed and from then on he noticed them in strange places all over the Island. Wanna know what's even more crazy? Before he won the lottery, he heard someone mumbling about these numbers while he was in a mental institution. The person he heard mumbling ended up being a soldier who intercepted them in a longwave transmission while stationed at a military listening post. Most recently, Hurley encountered the numbers on the odometer of a car that his dad restored for his birthday. What???

7. "Not Penny's Boat": The season 3 finale was pretty awesome. Many things made it awesome. One of the more exceedingly awesome events took place when Charlie drowned. Charlie made contact with the freighter that was offshore, and made the startling discovery that it wasn't one of Penny's. As soon as he made this discovery, the crazy Russian Other swam by and shot out the window, causing water to rush in. Since Charlie couldn't get out, his last moments were spent writing the words "not Penny's boat" on his hand so he could show Desmond through the door's window. Though I'm not sure Charlie had to let himself die, it made the concept of finding out who the freak was sending freighters after them pretty intriguing.

6. Move the Island? What?: One of the more significant instances of mindfudgery that took place last night was the event in which Ben teleported the entire Island somewhere that has yet to be specified. That's really all I can say about it.

5. What's a Flash Forward?: Yet another instance of WTF from the season 3 finale. So, all through the show, there's been these flashbacks involving all of the characters and building up their stories. In the season 3 finale, we see one of these depicting Jack as a drug-addled misanthrope sporting an awesomely ugly beard. At first, you figure this is just a dark point in Jack's past and that it'll reveal something significant. But as the episode ends, freaking Kate drives up to meet him outside an airport. They start talking, and Jack's all "Kate! We have to go back! We weren't supposed to leave! Beard! Drugs!" The shock was so vicious that I was comatose for at least two days.

4. The Swan: During season 2, Locke was out hunting boars or something when he discovered something metallic buried in the ground. He dug around it and discovered that it was a door that led to an underground hatch. He showed his discovery to pretty much everyone, but Hurley freaked out when he noticed the cursed lotto numbers engraved on the door, so he ran off. Eventually everyone but Locke lost interest in the hatch, but there was this moment when he was lying on top of the door looking downwards through the window. Suddenly, Locke's face becomes illuminated as an unknown party flips on a light somewhere downstairs. It's moments like these that present the sense of wonder and fascination with the unknown that has become the core of the Lost universe.

3. Claire and the Psychic: I wanna start this off by saying that I hate Claire. But there was an instance in her back story that still freaks me out. Since she was gonna have a kid out of wedlock and all, she was thinking about adoption. But one day her friend persuaded her to visit a psychic. When he took Claire's hands to look into the future, he gets all disturbed and repeats, "No one but you can raise this baby." Claire is weirded out, but kind of trusts this guy's visions. So a few days later, the psychic dude contacts her, apologizes, and says that he knows a family in California who will take care of her baby. He gives her a plane ticket, and guess what? It's for Oceanic Flight 815, fated to crash on the mysterious Island. Now, the reason why this moment is number 3 on the list is because freaking Kate has Claire's baby! This psychic revelation still has some significance as to what's in store for future seasons.

2. Episode 1: I believe I've already mentioned the haters. The haters who have seen the first episode and weren't totally swept up in some of the craziest stuff to have ever been broadcast on national TV. Personally, if you watch the first episode of Lost and are not totally awed by it's two-fisted awesome, then you must have had a frontal lobotomy. Or maybe some form of traumatic head injury. It starts off with an intense plane crash, complete with explosions, shards of debris, and screaming passengers. Then, five minutes after Jack gets everyone calmed down, they start hearing really loud and eerie noises emanating from the jungle. A bit longer into the episode, the pilot gets yanked off screen by some unseen beast, and showers the wreckage with blood. And then? Polar bears! How can you not see all this stuff and say, "my life will not be complete until I figure out what's happening on this island." How?

1. Jacob: The revelation of this character was among the most creepifying moments ever caught on film. I think it takes place in season 3 when Locke decides to stay with the Others and learn more about the Island. Ben takes Locke to this dilapidated cabin surrounded by a ring of sand or ash. When Locke asks what they're doing, Ben explains that they're going to meet a man named Jacob. So they enter the cabin. It appears to be uninhabited, but after a few minutes, the furniture starts to shake and a voice that sounds like it was pulled directly from the Black Lodge moans, "Help me." Yeesh. I still get chills thinking about that shiz.

And there it is. Way to go, Lost. Way to not suck.

Growing Up Sucks.

I know that many of you have probably not seen the new Indiana Jones movie (a bunch of us went to see a midnight show early this morning), so if you want to be surprised and stuff, maybe it's a good idea to skip over this entry until you've seen it.

For those of you who are still here, let me rap with you for just a minute. I'm going to assume that most of you have a special place in your hearts for the Indiana Jones trilogy (even Temple of Doom in its awesome suckiness). I also think that I wouldn't be too far off when I assume that this special place is also home to the original Star Wars trilogy. For me, these six movies defined what it meant to watch a bona-fide adventure movie. As a kid watching them, I remember getting entirely swept up in the story, the characters, and the locales; and as an adult re-watching them, I feel like they have withstood the test of time. Even cooler is the ability they have to remind me of a childhood in which I made many happy memories for myself by letting these movies capture my imagination.
Obviously, with this kind of geek incubation, I was super excited when, way back in the day, George Lucas announced the creation of three new Star Wars movies that take place before the originals. The prospect of revisiting old characters and discovering new ones within a universe that I revered and loved made me get all warm and fuzzy inside. Finally, the day came when Episode I hit theaters. My friends and I camped in line with a hundred other equally excited geeks and spent the night debating the modifications to the "special edition" trilogy and arguing about which manifestation of Princess Leia was hotter. The little nerdy kids in us were back in control.
Then Episode I had to completely suck. Darth Maul provided a modicum of badass, but only enough to demonstrate what might have been. Even as a high school student with a heavy bias towards anything that had to do with lightsabers and TIE fighters, I felt a bit disappointed. Though Episodes II and III were better than the first, they're still pretty awful. How could the original trilogy be so awesome and timeless while the new trilogy reached new levels of banality? I have deliberated on this question for some time, and I think the answer is this: George Lucas has sold his soul to Satan. Gone are the days when his passion for filmmaking alone fueled him through the difficulties and naysaying that plagued him during production of the original trilogy. The new trilogy is a perfect reflection of something great that has made an unholy bargain with Evil in order to make a quick buck. They're soulless, trite, and were only successful because of the legions of geeks who found solace on the Millennium Falcon as little nerdlings. We were all exploited, and something sacred has been profaned.

Such is the case with Indy 4. The little excited kid in me was viciously kicked in the teeth as one of my all time greatest movie heroes pranced around like a poorly animated cartoon character. Though at times the movie veered close to its original ass-kicking territory, it was mostly just painful and sad. After close to twenty years of time to write something awesome for Indy, we get this load of sci-fi garbage?
After having this one last hope dashed, I have come to realize that Lucas and Spielberg have officially allied themselves with the Sith by sacrificing some of their best work to the dark gods of CGI, box office revenue, and merchandising.

Hopefully this will cheer us up:

You Can Make a Difference!

Okay, this might be an exercise in futility, but how many of you know who Uwe Boll is? I'm sure most of you do. First, he looks like this. Second, and probably most important, he directs extremely awful and terrifyingly crappy movies. Third, all of his movies have been based on sub-par video games.
The reason I'm posting this is because I stumbled upon an online petition that people can sign in order to get Mr. Boll to stop making movies. Apparently the obnoxiously overconfident director has claimed that if the petition racks up one million names, he will retire (so far, names on the list are in the neighborhood of 274,000). Anywho, here's the link to said petition. If you're a fan of video games, horror, or just movies in general, you know that Uwe Boll must be stopped at all costs. Sign the petition, and tell your friends to sign it. In the name of good taste, free refills, and the future of our children, it's time to mobilize against such tyranny.

Thank you.

Cool Stuff This Week

Over the past week I have been fortunate to partake of some cool things. I would like, if I may, to share some of these cool things with you.

Cool Thing #1: Iron Man
Why It's Cool: I'm talking about the new movie starring Robert Downey, Jr. and directed by Jon Favreau (he's so money, he doesn't even know it). Sheree wrote a fine piece about how awesome this movie was, and since I pretty much always agree with her (because we're so compatible. Not because I'm scared of her), I found it to be quite bad ass. I've always secretly liked Iron Man. I mean, I've never bought any Iron Man comics or anything, but he was one of my favorite characters to play as in Marvel Ultimate Alliance on my once again defunct xbox 360 (that's twice, dammit!). I'm pretty sure I used him, Blade, Deadpool, and Dr. Strange to whoop Dr. Doom's ass at the end. So I respect the man.
I also respect that he's an alcoholic womanizer who becomes noble after a near-death experience involving terrorists. Given that backstory, Robert Downey, Jr. was perfect to play the part. He's good looking, charismatic, and--most important--deeply fractured. I'm glad the movie embraced these qualities of Tony Stark and built off of them. Getting to the core of a character who decides to adopt another persona and fight crime is extremely important to a comic book-inspired movie. In fact, I would argue that the comic book movies that have utterly sucked(Ghost Rider, Daredevil, Batman & Robin, Fantastic Four, X-Men 3) did so because they neglected to dig into the primary character. With comics, there's always a lot more going on beneath the hero's exterior. It's more than just action sequences and CGI.

Cool Thing #2: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Why It's Cool: It's a hyperactive spin on the lives of twentysomething hipsters that is heavily influenced by video games, anime, and indie music. Scott Pilgrim is just 23 year old dude who is in a moderately cool band called "Sex Bob-Omb." His life gets messed up when he meets this chick named Ramona Flowers who randomly shows up in his dreams. When they finally meet, Scott is dating a high school girl named Knives Chau who he must break up with in order to hook up with the rollerblading bohemian queen Ramona. But that's not all. In addition to breaking an unstable girl's heart, Scott must now battle Ramona's seven evil ex-boyfriends in order to secure Ramona as his girlfriend.
I've read three volumes of this tale, and have found it to be quite amusing. Scott's battles with Ramona's ex-boyfriends merge the boundaries of everyday hipster life with insane and frenetic Japanese fighting games (such as Street Fighter 2 and Tekken). What I'm really liking about this series is that at the heart of the manic and ridiculous battles, the author (Bryan Lee O'Malley) touches on some important ideas about love, commitment, and the amount of baggage people are stuck with after being dumped.

Cool Thing #3: The Frenchy Salad
Why It's Cool: The Frenchy is this salad they make at Toasters, which is a sandwich place across the street from the Salt Palace. I've been going to Toasters for awhile, since it's not far from my work, and it's really good food. Lately, I've been trying to eat less lard and more vegetables, and Toasters has aided me in this process. The Frenchy is an amazing accomplishment in the medium of saladsmithing. At it's core, it's just lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers. But the awesome Feta vinaigrette dressing coupled with the big chunks of Swiss and Provolone cheese are what make this salad so good that it deserves to be on a list with Iron Man and Scott Pilgrim.

Cool Thing #4: Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Why It's Cool: I know that this Nintendo DS game is quite old, but I have started to replay it recently, and it's so freaking sweet. Ever since our old 8-bit NES system, I have had a soft spot in my heart for the Castlevania games (except for the N64 ones. They just felt wrong to me). In this particular installment, you play a dude (who actually looks like a chick) named Soma Cruz. Soma was introduced in Aria of Sorrow, which was on the GBA (also pretty cool). You assault Dracula's castle armed with a dagger and your ability to consume the souls of the monsters you fight in order to use their abilities.
I won't go on about the storyline, but it's important that you know how awesome Castlevania games are.

Cool Thing #5: Kick-Ass
Why It's Cool: As if the name didn't say it all! Yes, this is another comic book that is cool (what can I say? It's been a good week for comics). As far as the story goes, it's another tale about a dorky teenager who dons a homemade costume to try his own luck at fighting crime. The cool thing about this one is the writer (Mark Millar. He wrote Civil War which was rad) has chosen to place his character into situations that I think are more authentic than the generic superhero fare. No supervillains, just everyday taggers and Puerto Rican gangs. On his fist venture to stop crime, Kick-Ass is brutally beaten and stabbed. Second time? He gets hit by a car. Despite the brutality, it's pretty damn funny. I promptly added it to my list of titles for my subscription box at Night Flight Comics!




Cool Thing #6: Iron Sky
Why It's Cool: just watch this super awesome trailer. I have no idea if this movie will see the shores of Utah, but it looks wicked.

Where Do You Keep Your Coffin?

Those of you who are super-observant may notice that I have added a super-sweet poll to my blog! Let me enlighten you as to its purpose.
It all started when I was a little kid, maybe around 7 or 8 years old. I had what some may call an "early exposure to violent horror films at a young age." I vividly remember watching movies such as The Fly, House, Nightmare on Elm Street, and The Lost Boys which, having re-watched them since, I found to be way too messed up for a little tyke such as myself. Among this plethora of monsters and madmen, one particular film stands out to me. This movie was about as influential on my developing psyche as The Wizard of Oz and Follow That Bird. This movie was called... Fright Night! I suspect that most of you have seen it (since I either grew up in the same house with you or have sat you down and forced you to watch it with me).
It's about this snot-nosed, horny teenager named Charley Brewster who notices that all of these strange murders have coincided with the appearance of a his new neighbor, Jerry Dandridge. Being the paranoid horror movie geek that he is, he starts spying on his neighbor and his encounters with the local escort service. He sees that Jerry has fangs and abnormally long fingers, which immediately tips him off. The thing that sucks is that Jerry now knows that Charley knows about him. So, the movie is about how Charley chooses to deal with the situation. He goes to the cops, but makes the foolish mistake of telling them that a vampire is living next to him, which (duh) no one believes. He ends up enlisting the help of Peter Vincent (he's kinda like Peter Cushing from the old Hammer Dracula movies) who hosts a TV show called "Fright Night" (ironic, isn't it?) to help him battle Jerry and his undead manservant.
Anywho, it's a pretty awesome movie. I think that I must have watched it fifty or so times as a kid. I can't really say why this particular horror movie didn't freak me out to the point of tears like so many others, but I remember liking it for that reason. It was like a safe foray into a world that terrified and fascinated me.
Plus, the soundtrack is kind of awesome. If anybody knows where I can find it, that would be righteous.

Speaking of music, I just got Portishead's new album. The only thing that I can really say about it is this: It's a collection of songs that you have always wanted to hear, and eleven years was far too long to wait for such awesomeness.

Oh, and this semester is finally over! Shit yeah!