As I've surveyed the current state of horror movies, I've discovered that the genre is totally letting me down. The last original horror movie that I've seen was James Gunn's splatterrific epic
Slither. That was back in 2006, dammit! Two whole years have gone by without a single horror movie that did not fit into the following categories:
Saw-inspired "torture porn," or franchise reboots (there are probably exceptions, but where the hell are they? Why can't I watch them? That's another thing that's been bugging me. The good movies are hard to see, and when I can see them, I have to put up with the elitist dicks over at the Broadway or the unshaven posers at the Tower. Eff them). The problem with the former category is that the thrill factor does not come from well-paced tension or grisly atmosphere, but from flat out brutality. There's no story to speak of, the acting is awful, and there's no depth at all. It's just a random collage of gruesome death scenes that really have not point other than to display someone's head getting crushed by a sledgehammer. Now, let me take this opportunity to say that I'm one who appreciates a good sledgehammer head-crushing. I love sledgehammer head-crushings.
Love them! But sledgehammer head-crushings have to be perpetrated in a certain way to be truly meaningful. There's gotta be a
message behind it, man. Anywho,
Saw and the whole pathetic goth teenage fanbase who love the hell out of it have really screwed things up.
I won't say too much about the reboots, because their mere existence is unnecessary and shows a shocking lack of creativity on behalf of everyone who has ever been involved with them. Plus, they make the originals less cool by default. It's a shame.
In light of this current horror recession, I've got a little tiny bit of hope. Sam Raimi is coming down from his
Spider Man ivory tower to plumb the depths of horror again with
Drag Me to Hell (kickass title). I'm happy about this because Raimi knows how to make a good horror movie.
Evil Dead="the ultimate experience in grueling terror (it says that on the box!)" Behold!
