Live Free and Twihard!

Lately I've been pimping the soundtrack to New Moon. I am completely aware of the fact that pimping this album might make me some kind of teenage girl, but hear me out. I haven't seen the movie yet, so my judgment is based completely on the collection of songs themselves. Hopefully the movie doesn't waste such good music, but we'll see. Anywho, what follows is my breakdown of the album. Set faces for stunned.

STANDOUTS (The Ones You Need to Own):

1. Meet Me At the Equinox by Death Cab For Cutie: Few bands can express such acute thoughts about both love and nihilism in just one song. Forgoing the typical, "we're in love and everything's gonna be great" motif, Death Cab punctuates every mention of bodies intertwining with the foreboding reminder that "everything ends." It's beautiful and depressing as hell all at once.

2. Friends by Band of Skulls: I recently purchased a pretty decent album by this band (Baby Darling Doll Face Honey). They kinda sound like a British version of The White Stripes. But I digress. This song is a drunk and disorderly tribute to being irresponsible on the weekends. It's going to the top of the playlist that I'm making for my unit on The Outsiders.

3. Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke: I'm not really gonna get into how intricate and complex Thom Yorke/Radiohead's music is, because to be honest, I don't have the cognitive capacity to even go there. All I know is that Yorke makes music like nobody else, and this song is no exception.

4. Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: This is a tune in the vein of All You Do Is Talk; a blues-y slow song that drifts into your mind like a cold wind and leaves you slightly more melancholy that you were before.

5. The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf: I've never heard of this band before, but this catchy tune is definitely like the mari ju wanna (you know, like a gateway drug? Heh). I'd describe it as a punchy little number inspired by Belle and Sebastian mixed with a little bit of David Byrne. Coupled with its liberal use of body/nature metaphors, I was caught off guard by how often it pops up in my head when I'm not thinking about anything.

6. Shooting the Moon by OK Go: OK Go sets up some gnarly quirk-rock and bangs it out by beating a big ass drum. This is one I like to crank up in the car to the point where my fillings start to vibrate along with the drum beats.

7. Slow Life by Grizzly Bear: I've decided that Grizzly Bear is a band that you've got to dedicate some time and effort to. Once you've agreed to suspend your disbelief and step into their world, you find something pretty intriguing. On this track, the vocals belong to Victoria Legrand (Yeah, I don't know who that is either), and they compliment Ed Droste's (thanks, Google!) own style. It's slow, pretty, and the more you listen to it, the different musical nuances come into focus.

8. Nothing But the Wind by the Editors: At first, this song was kind of unsettling for me. It's hard to get used to the vocals. But, I gave it some heavy rotation, and it slowly became one of the coolest songs in the world. It's just a dude and his piano busting out some intensely operatic lyrics that make a person want to reinvest themselves in the fight for love!

9: All I Believe In by The Magic Numbers: This song is actually super cheesy. I mean, it even goes off on a Native American-influenced tangent! But, something about this song is charming, and I couldn't help but dig it.

FORGETTABLE (Songs One Would Expect From a Twilight Soundtrack):
I'm not gonna really go into too much detail here. This stuff is the obligatory filler between the awesome songs listed above. If the whole album was as good as the above songs, the fault lines would crack, and humanity would be pulled into a fiery maw of awesome. Or a mawesome, if you will.

1. Possibility by Lykke Li: Six-year-old, chain-smoking depressed girl song part 1.

2. A White Demon Love Song by The Killers: If this song was on "Hot Fuss," it'd be so good! Why? BECAUSE THAT WAS BEFORE THE KILLERS DECIDED TO START SUCKING!!!!

3. Satellite Heart by Anya Marina: Six-year-old, chain-smoking depressed girl song part 2.

4. I Belong to You by Muse: Muse is kind of starting to follow The Killers on their short bus to Suckville.

5. Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent: I was so very disappointed with this song. Everything on "For Emma, Forever Ago" is ten times better than this dirge.

6. Monsters by Hurricane Bells: Sheree noted that this song sounded like a Muse song. It does. They play it on a loop at a truck stop called The Suckery in a place known as Suckville.

7. Solar Midnite by Lupe Fiasco: Crap! Crappiest piece of crap that ever made its way out of Crapville, sister city to Suckville.

Even though there are seven mediocre songs (which is about half the album), the nine standouts are extremely good. That's why I'm pimping this album. At the very least, illegally download the nine good songs and pat yourself on the back for maintaining an open mind.

Kick-Ass Kicks Ass

Kick-Ass

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

Convergence

I'll cop to the fact that I've got the song "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison on my iPod. Do you wanna know why? Do ya? Well, sucker, let me tell you. When I was about 13 or 14 years old (the same age as the howlin' mad Tooele Jr. High Roadrunners that I corral day in and day out) I read a very interesting comic book. The first thing that was interesting was the fact that on the back cover of the dust jacket were the words "suggested for mature readers." The second thing that was interesting was that it was a story about Batman. The third thing that was interesting was the opening pages depicted a young boy named Amadeus taking food to his mother who subsequently vomited up a bunch of cockroaches while mumbling the words "I've eaten." There were about three hundred more interesting things that happened as I traversed my way through Grant Morrison's and Dave McKean's nightmarish graphic novel Arkham Asylum. The final pages are what sparked this entry, however. Each of Batman's psychotic rogues have little messages scrawled out at the end of the book, almost like an epilogue to the story. The one that stuck with me the most, and terrified my little 8th grade soul was this quote given by Dr. Destiny (who later became one of Neil Gaiman's most malevolent villain in his Sandman series). He wrote, "In dreams I walk with you..." Something about the three little dots at the end of this statement haunted me...

Flash forward about ten or eleven years. I was in college at that point, and had just made the decision to watch David Lynch's film Blue Velvet. I watched it alone in the middle of the day, and felt my guts twist up into knots whenever Frank Booth was on screen. Simply put, the dude is the embodiment of bestial cruelty, and you were never quite sure when he was just gonna snap and take you down with him. Anyway, there's this scene where Frank has Jeffrey in his nasty clutches and they go visit a dude Frank calls Ben. Ben's apartment is a prime example of Lynchian f***ked up-ness. The lighting is too phosphorescent, there are carney-folk prostitutes hanging around, and overall it looks like someone just puked up a few loads of vintage clothing all over the place. After a brief dialogue between Ben and Frank, Ben cues up "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison. He pulls out one of those floodlights with the bulb encased in a metal grate and starts lip synching the song into the light. Just what in the hell kind of people are these? Immediately following this bizarre performance, Frank drives Jeffrey out into the middle of an industrial complex where he voraciously applies layers and layers of thick red lipstick to his lower face. He boots Jeffrey out, and as he's kicking the crap out of him, he bellows the phrase, "In dreams I walk with you!" Turns out, that's a damn lyric from Roy Orbison's popular hit about "the candy-colored clown they call the Sandman," entitled "In Dreams."

So I bought that shit on iTunes. Whenever it comes on in my shuffle, I just sit back and replay in my mind the many shades of chaos that these lyrics represent:

"In dreams I walk with you.
In dreams I talk to you.
In dreams you're mine.
All of the time we're together
In dreams, In dreams."

Tales Fron The Con, Episode 3: Constitution

Gosh, we look freaking tired! Here we are at day 3 of the Con, and we had just arrived in hall H to see the Lost panel. It's been a long and strange road, but we've managed to pierce the very heart of geekdom. It has definitely taken a toll on our souls, but such profound awesomeness is worth it. Anywho, I'm not planning on writing all that much because I think the point of these entries is to share our photos. Also, it's late and I'm sleepy. Here goes!















































Okay, the Lost panel was probably the most entertaining one of the entire convention. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof threw together fan-made videos commemorating the series and a Miami Vice-ish opening credits scene with a song written by some Lost fans. When the q & a opened up, the dude who plays Donny the head page on 30 Rock presented the executive producers with a painting of them with a polar bear. Soon afterwards, Hurley asked a few unanswerable questions about the series only to be interrupted by Ben (kinda scary to be in the same room with the guy). Their routine was a pretty funny scenario about Ben originally auditioning for Hurley's part, accompanied by a video of said audition. Right, the panel expanded to include Richard Alpert, Sawyer, and eventually Charlie! I loved it a lot. Lost is a great show, and I'm sad that it's going into its final season.

Afterwards, there was a panel promoting a movie called Solomon Kane. Before it started, I had absolutely no idea what it was. Upon watching the panel, I discovered that it's an adaptation of a comic book by Robert E. Howard who also created Conan. From what I gather, it's about this Puritan dude in the early 1800's who runs around slaying demons. At first I thought, "lame-ass," but the footage was pretty good. The director stressed his desire to make this movie a throwback to old school '80's fantasy movies like Ladyhawke and Beastmaster, which it kinda was. We'll see.














Next, there was a panel for Mike Judge's new movie called Extract. The trailer's out online, and you should watch it if you haven't already. Up there we have Mike Judge, Jason Bateman, and Mila Kunis. The footage was pretty good, and I think that this one will definitely be on par with Office Space, possibly better. On a side note, Mike Judge talks exactly like Hank Hill. Oh, and Jason Bateman vaguely alluded to an Arrested Development movie, saying that everyone's on board but they still need a script.

Moving right along, Sony Pictures presented a panel for 2012 and Zombieland. 2012 is yet another Roland Emmerich disaster movie. This time, L.A. gets flooded and blah blah blah human spirit. Zombieland looked pretty funny though. It's got that Woody Harrelson fella, along with Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. It looks like your basic coming of age zombie movie. I'll hit that.

Now, the panel we were looking forward to all day: Iron Man 2! Here's some pictures, and then I'll try and recreate the footage that we saw using my words:










































As you can see, Robert Downey, Jr., Jon Favreau, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, and Scarlett Johansson were on hand to promote the flick, and by damn does it look wicked. The clip that they showed (twice!) started with Tony Stark in full armor (minus the helmet) hanging out inside the giant donut atop Randy's Donuts in L.A. Oh, and he's appropriately eating some donuts. Then Nick Fury shows up and is like, "Get yo' ass down here!" The pair argue briefly about the Avengers, which Stark calls a "super secret boy band." The footage cuts to a scene of Stark sitting before a group of senators on CNN. A senator played by Gary Shandling keeps probing Stark about his Iron Man "weapon." Hilarity ensues as Stark goads the senator into a rant of "F***k you, Mr. Stark." In the next scene, we have some old newspaper articles and magazine covers plastered all over a dingy basement wall. In Mickey Rourke's Russian accent, Whiplash speaks of Tony Stark coming from a family of thieves and murderers. He says something awesome like, "Blood is in the water, and soon the sharks will come." Then, freaking BOOM! Mickey Rourke's all jacked up with his makeshift electro-whips that he flings around as he approaches a downed Iron Man. Then it's a bunch of action clips, some of which feature Scarlett Johansson looking awesome as the Black Widow. The footage ends with Sam Rockwell as rival billionaire/weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer demonstrating some top of the line guns for Don Cheadle (he took over for James Rhodes). After he finishes, it's all:
Rhodes: I'll take it.
Hammer: Which one?
Rhodes: All of 'em.
The footage ends with effing War Machine with wrist-mounted machine guns and a shoulder mounted gatling gun shooting the hell out of everything!
As far as exclusive footage went, this stuff was amazing. It was long, bitchin', and totally got me jazzed to see this when it comes out next year.

We ended our day with a trip to the exhibition hall, where I picked up volume 8 of The Goon's trade paper back exploits which I later got signed by Eric Powell. Here's a picture of Sheree with a fake Jason Bateman, because we didn't actually get to meet the real Jason Bateman:

Huzzah!

Tales From the Con, Episode 2: Conversations

Ah! Hello again, readers! Our dude and lady have missed you during their raucous exploits at day 2 of the Con. Now, without further delay, let us resume our journey with this blisteringly attractive couple of adventurers.

Hall H was our adventurer's first stop. Warner Brothers was promoting some of their upcoming releases, along with unreleased footage. The panel started with three scenes from Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are (Not much to photograph, unfortunately. They bust you if you record any of the footage). Verdict: Truly beautiful filmmaking. The music, the creatures, and the setting completely evoke that which was awesome about Maurice Sendak's book. I'm very much looking forward to this one.





















Above, you'll see Gary Oldman, Denzel Washington, and Jackie Earle Haley. The first two were promoting a film called The Book of Eli, which is some kind of post-apocalyptic action fest directed by the Hughes brothers (Dead Presidents, From Hell, and some other stuff). The verdict: Dollar movie worthy, or perhaps just one to watch on cable. Mr. Haley was there promoting the extremely superfluous remake of Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street. Verdict, anyone: The whole idea that someone is remaking this movie bugs me a lot. The director even stooped so low as to call it a "reinvention," and compared it to the relationship between Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins to Tim Burton's Batman. I call bullshit on that!
















Next up, we have Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, Cameron Diaz, and James Marsden. The Fox/Brolin pair were promoting Jonah Hex, which is adapted from a comic book about an ugly ass cowboy and his bad temperment. Verdictus Maximus: Looks a hell of a lot like Ghost Rider, and Ghost Rider was damn near unwatchable. Maybe go see it as an ironic joke. Diaz and Marsden were there for a movie called The Box, which is another flick from the dude who directed Donnie Darko. Do I Smell Verdict? Hard to call. I guess the footage that they showed intrigued me enough to see it, and the dialogue surrounding the 1976 setting was very mysterious. I freaking hate Cameron Diaz though.















Oh ho! Who are these handsome celebrity folk? It's Robert Downey, Jr. and Rachel McAdams, on hand to show us some footage from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. El Verdicto: Balls to the walls. When I heard about the cast and Guy Ritchie and all that good stuff, I was really excited. After seeing the footage, I nearly puked my pants.















Later on, there was a panel for this kinda cool-lookin' movie called 9. It's an animated flick, and Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connely were there because they do voices for it. Oh, and that's Tim Burton! He was one of the producers. At this point of the Con, I decided to take the opportunity to ask a question of Timur Bekmambetov (he directed Wanted and some sweet Russian horror movies called Night Watch and Day Watch. He's also producing this movie):

























Me: Um, excuse me? Mr. Bekmambetov?
Timur B: Yes?
Me: Uh, I was wondering, um, if there is going to be a Dusk Watch film to finish the Night Watch trilogy?
Timur B: No.
Me: Oh. Drag. Kay, bye.

It's quite humbling to see your ugly mug up on that huge screen, knowing that literally thousands of people can see you and are judging your coolness based solely upon what kind of question you ask. I had to go to the bathroom after I finished. Oh, Verdicto Finale: 9 could be cool, but the footage they showed was veeerrry boring. That makes me think that they're relying too much on how things look, and that tells me that it might suck.
Oh, this is just Peter Jackson in his very first Comic-Con appearance. No big deal. But seriously, it is a big deal. He's producing a movie called District 9 that is about aliens that are being kept in a ghetto by us nasty humans. What's That? Oh, Just A Verdict: I'd place District 9 just under Sherlock Holmes and Where the Wild Things Are on the list of movies that I'm very much looking forward to. There was also a panel for some movie called Legion about militant angels or some dumb thing like that. It looked like a fried turd that had been left under the radiator for three weeks.














Here is where our journey takes a strange turn. Eric Powell (creator of The Goon) was on hand to celebrate Goon's tenth anniversary. Along with him were Thomas Lennon, Robert Garant (otherwise known as officers Jim Dangle and Travis Junior of Reno 911!), and a little boy dressed up like Nacho Libre. Lennon and Garant were posing as Powell's older, white trashier brothers. I don't know what the hell the Nacho Libre kid was doing there though. Towards the end of the panel, they showed some footage of an upcoming animated feature that is being helmed by David Fincher, which was pretty rad. Un-rad, however was Eric Powell himself. He seemed a lot like the quiet kid at your school who is secretly a dick. Oh, and the Reno 911! dudes were very funny for the first fifteen minutes of the panel, but the schtick couldn't sustain itself for the full hour. Meh.

That pretty much concludes day two, readers. Can you handle two more days? Can you? Answer me!!!

Tales From The Con, Episode 1: Consecrations

This tale begins much like any other. It starts with a dude and a lady (pictured above) who take a journey deep into the heart of California's cultural wilderness. While on this journey, the pair encounter many encounters, both terrible and profound. What follows is a serious of photographic examples of said encountered encounters. Please, try not to go insane. Thank you.
After spending many days wandering through Disneyland's many wonders and terrors (side note: I'm 99% sure that I saw Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins whilst waiting in line for the Matterhorn. Alas, I was too chicken to find out for sure), we found ourselves in Hollywood. Here's a picture of said dude with R2-D2's and C-3PO's footprints. After some time journeying, the pair ran into another pretty awesome pair of journey folk. Behold their triumph as they stand upon the shores of Laguna Beach!But what's this? The pair's surroundings have changed in no small way! They pose within the bowels of the mighty exhibition hall of the San Diego Comic-Con! Though this picture is quite awesome, it still does not manage to capture the complete pandemonium of the exhibition hall. That is one fine lookin' couple though.
















Okay, here are a few pictures from within. On top, you'll notice our dude with Snake Eyes and Storm shadow. We took this picture specifically for Ryan, so he could see a small fraction of the overall coolness he missed while not attending. Then there's our dude being a dork in front of a Dark Horse/Star Wars display. Finally, a set of Iron Man prototype suits, courtesy of Stark Industries.














On to the panels! First we have Eliza Dushku, Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana, and Elizabeth Mitchell talking about what it means to be a woman in the sci-fi world. It was pretty interesting, except for the parts when Eliza Dushku talked. The second picture we have is from the Kick-Ass panel (it's a sweet comic book that they're making into what looks to be a sweet comic book movie). Left to right, there's Matthew Vaughn (director), Jane Goldman (screenwriter), Mark Millar (comic book writer), John Romita, Jr. (comic book artist), Clark Duke (plays a dude in the movie), and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (plays another dude in the movie, also known as McLovin). Oh, and later on Chloe Moretz (plays a little girl assassin) showed up. Nicholas Cage is also in the movie, but he copped out like a chump. They showed some clips, and it looks like a very special kind of rad. If you haven't read Kick-Ass, rectify the situation! Now!
But wait! Who's this with our dude? Do you recognize him? No? Well! That, my friends, is Mike Mignola (creator of Hellboy). On a final run through the exhibition hall, we chanced upon him as he was leaving. I was unprepared for this, but was glad to have gotten a pic with him. Oh, and he signed my Dark Horse preview book. Thug life!














To conclude episode 1 of our tale, here we have our lady and dude exiting the premises to find sustenance and end their first day of the Con. But do not despair, dear reader. There are three more days of Comic-Con action upon which to expound. Keep it tuned here for more from the heart of geekery. So say we all!

Items of Interest

Drag Me To Hell: Remember that one time when I bitched about horror movies and was really looking forward to Sam Raimi's return to the world of horror? Well, my hopes were not for naught! Sheree, Wong, and I went to see this film on opening night (sadly, it wasn't very full, and I think it was only playing on one screen) and despite it's PG-13 rating, it managed to scare the bejeezus out of all of us. It felt good to have such an exhilarating celluloid experience. It's been a very long time since I've had a movie rip into my mindgrapes so brutally. It's too bad that shitty horror movies like Saw still manage to make more money than the good ones, but I suppose that's the way it works.

Gogol Bordello: I've also mentioned these guys in a blog post (I'm not going to link to it, though). They played at Vegoose a few years back and were awesome. This time around, they played at the Murray Theater, and were equally awesome. I like to think of Gogol Bordello and Arcade Fire as two sides of the same coin. Both bands have a large roster, draw upon a lot of musical talent, and are cool. Gogol Bordello is more frenzied and explosive, whereas Arcade Fire is more reserved and brooding. And that, my friends, is an attempt to sound like I know stuff about stuff.

The Goon: This has become one of my favorite comic book diversions. It's drawn and written by a dude named Eric Powell, and it's like we share the same part of our brains where we can't stop thinking about zombies, monsters, and thugs who stab zombies and monsters in the eye. In a bit of crazy awesomeness, Hellboy gets pulled into an issue of The Goon, and together they do battle with a horde of Communist mollusks that fly around via balloons strapped to their backs.

Other things that are still cool, but that I'm not going to expound upon due to self-explanatory coolness:

Lost season 5 finale!
Pushing Daisies!
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman!
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia on DS!
Steve Wiebe's Donkey Kong-quest at E3!
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by Phoenix!

There's Always Room for Giallo

I suppose this all started as a result of the following unholy union: iTunes+Castlevania: Symphony of the Night+morbid curiosity= ?. It was a cold, dark night. While slouching in my chair, eyes half closed with a clear stream of drool issuing from the corner of my mouth, I was poring over the current Genius recommendations that iTunes had for me. The songs all bled together into a cacophonous mass of sights and sounds. Unable to handle the sheer psychological stress of the depths of which I was traversing, I blacked out. When I came to, my computer screen greeted me with this disturbing image. Had I been in full posession of my faculties, I would have just closed iTunes and forgotten that the whole thing had ever happened. But at this particular moment in time, I did click, and I did listen. As the audible insanity of Goblin assaulted my mind grapes (as it is now assaulting yours!), a slew of haunting yet familiar images started to form within my nebulous brain. A castle, inverted. A male hero who was drawn with a very feminine facial structure. Bats, fish-men, skeletons, zombies, and...Death Incarnate! Was it? It was! Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! The salacious synths and guillotined guitars of Goblin could have been pulled directly from the haunted screens of the aforementioned graphical distraction! Having long abandoned my sanity, I probed deeper into the mystery of Goblin. After wandering lonely online avenues that I will not reveal, my search lead me to an Italian dude, his trilogy of witchcraft, and the terror of....Giallo. THE DUDE: Dario Argento, master of Mediterrenean macabre! THE TRILOGY: Le Tri Madre (The Three Mothers), wanderers across the wide world of witchcraft! GIALLO: It's description is to terrible for my fingers to form into words...behold, if you dare! The unbridled terror that presented itself after my frenzy-induced Google search caused me to black out for a second, and more prolonged period of time. I awoke around dusk of the following day, covered in dozens of ham and cheese Hot Pocket wrappers and lying face down in an unfamiliar parking lot. I arose to observe my surroundings. The parking lot belonged to a local video rental chain. Disobeying the last shreds of humanity that were faintly screaming for me to halt and return to my normal, God-fearing ways, I entered. I was drawn to the horror section like a vulture to a rotting bison carcass. Almost purely involuntarily, my hands reached for Suspiria and Inferno(comprising volumes one and two of the trilogy) but where was the third? Where was Mother of Tears? Ignoring all sense of public decency and decorum, I approached the counter attendant and urged her to contribute to my insanity by locating volume three of the trilogy. When she could not, I thrashed and I bellowed, knocking over a shelving unit filled with Jujy Fruits, Sno-Caps, Dots, and Junior Mints...sweet memories of a world of which I was no longer a part. I fled the scene with my prize and swiftly returned to my abode to obliterate what was left of my sound mind. I watched them both without pause, but without the third film, something was incomplete. Now, I am but a wanderer, searching for this last volume that will either bring me peace...or damnation.

Inglorious!

No Need to Drag Me. I'll Go Willingly.

As I've surveyed the current state of horror movies, I've discovered that the genre is totally letting me down. The last original horror movie that I've seen was James Gunn's splatterrific epic Slither. That was back in 2006, dammit! Two whole years have gone by without a single horror movie that did not fit into the following categories: Saw-inspired "torture porn," or franchise reboots (there are probably exceptions, but where the hell are they? Why can't I watch them? That's another thing that's been bugging me. The good movies are hard to see, and when I can see them, I have to put up with the elitist dicks over at the Broadway or the unshaven posers at the Tower. Eff them). The problem with the former category is that the thrill factor does not come from well-paced tension or grisly atmosphere, but from flat out brutality. There's no story to speak of, the acting is awful, and there's no depth at all. It's just a random collage of gruesome death scenes that really have not point other than to display someone's head getting crushed by a sledgehammer. Now, let me take this opportunity to say that I'm one who appreciates a good sledgehammer head-crushing. I love sledgehammer head-crushings. Love them! But sledgehammer head-crushings have to be perpetrated in a certain way to be truly meaningful. There's gotta be a message behind it, man. Anywho, Saw and the whole pathetic goth teenage fanbase who love the hell out of it have really screwed things up.
I won't say too much about the reboots, because their mere existence is unnecessary and shows a shocking lack of creativity on behalf of everyone who has ever been involved with them. Plus, they make the originals less cool by default. It's a shame.
In light of this current horror recession, I've got a little tiny bit of hope. Sam Raimi is coming down from his Spider Man ivory tower to plumb the depths of horror again with Drag Me to Hell (kickass title). I'm happy about this because Raimi knows how to make a good horror movie. Evil Dead="the ultimate experience in grueling terror (it says that on the box!)" Behold!

Let's Get Psyched!

And lo, the reason I haven't been paying much attention to my blog has come to a screeching and emotionally ambiguous halt. For those of you who don't know (or those of you who are just insensitive), I've been student teaching at a middle school for about two and a half months. It's given me time to think about my choice of profession from beneath its own crushing boot heel.
I can say that it didn't scare me away from teaching, but it also didn't fill me with a philanthropic desire to "reach" every student and convert gang members into "decent" folk. Anyway, it's a lot to think about still. In the meantime, here's a playlist of songs that kept me psyched up.

"Wolf Like Me" by TV On the Radio: I owe some thanks to Ben for putting this song on a cool mix CD, and some to Ryan for inviting me and Sheree to see Local H where they did a crackingly good cover of it. When the moon is round and full, gonna teach you tricks that'll blow your mongrel mind.

"Seventeen Years" by Ratatat: Nothing like seeing what kind of sounds can actually come out of an electric guitar via synth-exorcism to get one psyched. This song psyches me up for just about anything. I'm psyched just thinking about it.

"The Mountain" by Heartless Bastards: Great song. I am still really trying to like the whole album, however. Spilt blood on this place/it only echoes true all through the day.

"Twilight Omens" by Franz Ferdinand: This album in contrast is spectacularrr (roll the "r" for the correct emphasis). "Ulysses" also gets me pretty damn psyched. Anywho, I like this one because it's got one of the best lines that I've heard in a song: I typed your number into my calculator where it spelled a dirty word when you turn it upside down.

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon: That's right. Sex on mutha-huggin' fi-yah! I heard this song one day on KRCL, which prompted me to get the album. For a very long time I've been hesitant about Kings of Leon, but this monster of rock did me in. Hot as a fever/rattling bones/I could just taste it/taste it.

"Heads Will Roll" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Even though I hate dancing because 1. I look stupid when I do it and 2. I know that I look stupid when I do it, this is a good song. If I looked cool/sexy when I danced, I'd totally dance to this song. Off with your head/dance 'til you're dead.

I'm grateful for good psych-up songs. They helped me lots with the peculiar student teaching experience, and they kick ass for other reasons too.

Brain Damage. On Purpose!

I've been student teaching for a little over a month now. It's going okay, but there comes a time every few days where my brain needs to decompress. I've found that logging many hours on Fallout 3 was a good way to do this. As the days go on, however, it takes a bit more than shooting mutants in the face with a combat shotgun to successfully get my brain back to its natural, pudding-like state. Luckily, I rediscovered a box set of DVD's that I purchased way back when DVD's were the new shit, and I was working at a respectable mall retail outlet known as Sam Goody/Suncoast. Yes, let it be known that among my very first DVD purchases was Full Moon pictures' Puppet Master series. I don't even want to think of how much I paid for it (this was back when one DVD sold for like, 25 bucks, and I worked in the mall...), but I had to have it at that point in my life (high school). You see, once when Ben and I were younger, we managed to rent ourselves copies of Puppet Master and Puppet Master II. We watched them both back to back, and, due to the fact that we were both young and impressionable, we thought that they were badass (well, I thought they were badass. I'm not sure what Ben's first impressions were).

Upon rediscovering this nostalgic gem, I decided to make watching it in its entirety a part of my weekly decompression ritual. Here's what happened (and did I mention the box set consists of SEVEN movies? Yeah, that's right)....

Puppet Master: Nazis! The Bodega Bay Inn! Puppet POV shots! Old man suicide! Psychics! Dead friend (or is he?)! Weird and unecessary sex scenes! Grown men being overpowered by tiny dolls! That one has a drill for a head! This one has knives for hands! What? That one pukes up leeches? Gross! Reanimation (he wasn't dead)! Green blood, as opposed to red! Ending?

Puppet Master II: Grave digging! Cattle mutilations! Hillbillies! In California? More, different psychics! What? A new puppet? Why, he has a flame thrower hand! Head stab, followed by improvised brain surgery! Wait, psychics? Mysterious bandage-faced man! Bandages come off...oh! It's the guy who shot himself in the first one! Well preserved! Man-sized puppet body? Soul transferrance! Wait, woman-sized puppet body? I fell asleep! Woke up...how did the woman puppet come to life! Winnebago!

Puppet Master III: The past! WWII! More, different Nazis! Six-armed cowboy puppet! Hitler puppet gets shot! Kids laugh! Nazis rage! Random nudity! Sex scene with old Nazi man! Puppet six-gun attack! Oh! Puppets=dead Jewish friends! Pale Gestapo dude! Meat hooks! Wha?

Puppet Master 4: Lack of roman numerals! Psychics? No! Scientists! Robotics! Oh! I get it! Egyptian demon god! Mini-demon puppets! Smarmy 1990's guy! Psychic girlfriend! Puppet discovery! Killing? Yes! But, no? Evil puppets turn good! Puppet on puppet battles! Cheesy dialogue!

Puppet Master 5: More Egyptian terror! Same main guy! Rick! Omega project? Decapitron! Frankenstein-like reanimation scene! Puppet on puppet electrocutions! Close up on Rick! Ending!

Curse of the Puppet Master: College! Roadside attraction! Shy gas station attendant! Bullies! Old man vs. young man! Recruitment! Weird dreams! Sexual frustration! Bullies! Crotch stab! Puppet/human hybrid! Stock footage!

Retro Puppet Master: Awful accents! He was French? Old sorcerer! Pursued by mummies! His friends die? No! Soul transferrance! Wooden puppets? Dangerous! Who cares anymore!

And there you have it. The things I go through for brain decompression.

FUN FACT: The puppet known as Tunneler looks an awful lot like Alessandro Juliani AKA Lt. Felix Gaeta (it's the lips, I think). Behold!

The Year of the Oh-Niners

I want to say that the reason I haven't posted for so long was because of a rigorous barrage of finals (just to put my particular finals week into perspective, I was inspired to watch Kill Bill 1&2, Jackass: The Movie, and 28 Days Later in straight succession while working on them). I even think it would be acceptable to say that I've been busy with student teaching. But, to be honest, I haven't posted in such a long time because I do not think it is possible to ever top Neal's and Ryan's amazingly geeky Star Wars vs Star Trek banter. Things like that don't happen every day, and if you've read through their meticulously planned point/counterpoint argument, you should pat yourself on the back for witnessing something worthy of induction to the geek hall of fame.
Even though I know this post (nor any of my subsequent posts) will ever come close to capturing such unbridled awesome, I can't neglect my little blog any longer.

So, 2008 is over, right? Yeah, I thought so. Here's what I remember fondly about that year:

The Dark Knight: I want to preface this by describing how much I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Those were movies that effectively captured the living essence of an already stellar work of art such as J.R.R. Tolkien's novels about Middle Earth and almost perfectly translated it into a living, breathing epic. I know that everyone loves these movies, and a film snob like myself should shun the big-budget, CGI stuff, but let's just be honest with ourselves and say that those movies deserved every bit of praise they got.
That being said, I haven't seen a movie since then that even comes close to capturing the same sense of awe and wonder that I felt upon seeing each of the Lord of the Rings films. And then, in 2008, The Dark Knight comes out and reminds me of what it's like when excellent source material is perfectly crafted into a near-flawless cinematic spectacle. I think you all know what I'm talking about, and if you don't, call me up so I can come over and break your collar bone with a crescent wrench.



Battlestar Galactica/Lost: I blame these two shows for making me plan my weekly routine around my TV (or sometimes someone else's TV, cuz we don't get Sci-Fi). It's hard to talk openly about their awesomeness (spoilers aplenty!), so if you haven't caught yourself up on both of these epic tales, get crackin'!





Fallout 3: I don't really like to write about video games. They're just way too subjective to accurately critique. But today I'm breaking my rule. I've never been so completely sucked into a game in all of my twenty some-odd years of video-game nerdery. Let me just sum my experience with this game up in one of my many simulated experiences while traversing the post-apocalyptic wasteland that was once Washington D.C.: I reached a point in the game where I was getting hassled day in and day out by hired mercs (I'm playing as a do-gooder, and the evil folk don't jive with that). After I slew them mightily and rifled through their dismembered corpses, I retrieved a letter from a dude named Tenpenny who had hired these douchebags to come kill me. When I was finally able to activate the coordinates of every possible map destination, I discovered a place called Tenpenny Tower. So I thought to myself, "I'm gonna find this bastard and make him pay!" I got to the tower, and this Tenpenny guy had set up a community of elitist jackasses within an old hotel (kinda like Dennis Hopper in Land of the Dead). At first, I was just going to blow Tenpenny's head off with my shotgun, but a more intriguing opportunity came my way. It turned out there was a settlement of ugly, radioactive folks who wanted to move into the tower, but of course the folks who were already there didn't want anything to do with these nasty Ghouls. So what do I do? I let these vicious psychos into the tower through the basement and let them rip through the place! I figured that every son of a bitch who through his lot in with the coward who sent mercs to kill me deserve to be eaten alive by mutants! I lost good-guy points for doing this, but it was so very gratifying.

I'm a total nerd :(

Comic-Con: Such a grand celebration of everything that I ever thought was awesome (including Frankenberry)! I sometimes find my mind wandering back to our trip to San Diego to witness this conglomeration of movies, comics, TV, video games, zombies, Anime, F-list actors, washed-up centerfolds, and rare collectibles when I need cheering. Even though Nathan Fillion came very close to stealing Sheree away from me, I have nothing but love for the Con.





7-18-08: That's mine and Sheree's wedding date! It was so amazingly wicked awesome! Flowing rivers of ice creams and sauces, happy folks coming and going, tasty cakeses, and most of all, the most intelligent, beautiful, and perfect woman in the world became my wife. Indeed a great moment of 2008.

Mmm hmmm.