Oscars Shmoscars

With all of its "80 years of Oscar" historical posturing, this year's Academy Awards Ceremony was pretty low-key. Gone were the unnecessary (and mostly really stupid) skits and impromptu musical numbers, and the presenters pretty much stuck to business. Not that I'm complaining or anything. I like my results fast and dirty.
I felt good about all of the big deal nominees, despite having not seen La Vie En Rose (Who the hell is Edith Piaf anyway?). It's always a rare treat when there isn't at least one movie/actor/actress/director that I felt was way too sucky to be included with the "good" performers. It's also rare to see the movie that was actually the best win. By this I mean No Country For Old Men which is one of the best movies to come out in a really long time. I can't remember a time when a movie punched me in the brains and guts quite as effectively as No Country did.
Daniel Day Lewis definitely deserved his award for acting. I don't know of too many actors who can effectively capture the emotional depth of characters that are on par with the forces of nature. Every performance he gives is like a swirling vortex of cool that is impossible to escape. Marion Cotillard, Tilda Swinton, and big bad Javier Bardem were also quite worthy of their awards.
I thought that it was great when "Falling Slowly" from Once nabbed the Best Song award, despite the three nominations for Enchanted.
Now for the stuff that sucked.
Okay, war documentaries are all good and well (I especially liked No End In Sight), but 75% of the documentaries nominated fell into this category. This preamble is leading to my disappointment that King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters wasn't even nominated. I mean, it's important that there are documentaries that depress the hell out of us by sticking a camera right in the face of everything that is going horribly wrong in our world, but I felt that the nominees could have lightened up a bit. Plus, King of Kong was really well made and awesome.
And why the hell didn't Paul Dano get nominated for best supporting actor? Freaking' Hal Holbrook was only in that lame Into the Wild flick for like ten minutes, and he gets nominated? Stick a freaking veteran actor in your movie, have him or her waggle his or her jaw for a few minutes on poignant bit of dialogue that's supposed to be the emotional core of the story, and watch the Academy members crap their pants about it. Mr. Dano held his own in all of his scenes with Mr. Day Lewis, and I felt like he was royally gypped.
Oh, and why the hell was Miley Cyrus there?

I think that's about all that I really have to say about the show. Wait.... yeah. That should do it.

SWEDED!

Heroes? More Like Zeroes.

I have to get something off of my chest real quick, and that something is this: While at the video store this week, Sheree and I didn't really know what to rent with her awesome, no-late-fee, two-movies-at-a-time (new releases or otherwise!), MVP membership at the local Hollywood Video. So we decided to rent the first two discs of Heroes: Season 1. Being an astronomically huge comic book/superhero geek, I was expecting to really dig this show. The truth? I don't dig it so much. The whole time I was like, "Gee, I wish that I was watching Lost" or "Gee, I wish I was reading X-Men." I think those things because both the super-secret overall plot and the characters' lives interweaving are done way better in Lost, and the benevolent mutation thing is done way better in X-Men.
The show also suffers from both bad writing/dialogue and bad acting, which one can only stomach for so long.
On the plus side, I think Hiro is kind of cool.

On an unrelated note, here's something that's pretty damn funny.

Video Fun Times

I was just minding my own business online when I stumbled upon these two gems.
Enjoy, suckas!




And then:



Let the deuce-dropping commence!

Lovers of Loving Love

For Valentine's day, I would like to take you with me to a few of the greatest lovey-dovey moments in movie history. I feel that this is an important part of my own perspective on love and romance because pretty much everything that I know about either of those things has been gleaned from many hours of movie ingestion. Here goes:

10. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me: Regardless of the completely tragic and dysfunctional family themes that run rampant in this movie, there is one part that just blows me away. It's towards the end of the film right before Laura Palmer runs off into the woods to confront her twisted fate. After discovering the true identity of BOB, Laura decides that she can't go on living. So when James picks her up on his bike and they stop at the ominous traffic light at Sparkwood and 21, Laura jumps off. But right before she runs off into the darkness that will lead to her death, she hugs him and screams with the last ounce of her humanity and goodness, "I love you James!"



9. Evil Dead II: Anyone who's seen these movies knows that once you get a Deadite in you, you're pretty much screwed. But when you're Ashley "Ash" Williams, all you need is love. While possessed by a Deadite for the second time, Ash finds the necklace that he gave to his girlfriend Linda right before he had to decapitate her. Suddenly he remembers how much he loved her and it is in this moment when the Deadite releases its grasp on him, setting him free to kick some more ass.



8. Before Sunset: While I think that this movie's prequel Before Sunrise is the better flick, Sunset's ending is excellent. The film picks up after world-weary American traveler Jesse and intellectual French student Celine finally meet up (eight years later than they had promised, but hey). After another day spent rekindling those unexpected and overwhelming feelings of love towards one another, Jesse comes up to Celine's place. His plane back home to his wife is leaving in a half hour, but he insists on having a drink before leaving. The pressure builds...is he gonna leave? Is he not gonna leave? But then Celine chuckles as she sexily dances around her apartment, "You're gonna miss your plane..." to which Jesse replies, "I know."



7. Grosse Pointe Blank: Martin Blank and Debi Newberry have one of the coolest, most emotionally charged relationships in all of movie history. It all comes to a head when Grocer and his goons attack the Newberry residence because Debi's dad has a price on his head. Martin rescues Mr. Newberry and single-handedly fends off the assault himself. At one point, Debi runs into the kitchen just as Martin is beating one of Grocer's thugs to death with a frying pan. As he delivers the final blow, he looks up, blood on his face and says, "Debi, I'm in love with you, and I know we can make this relationship work."




6. The Fountain: Even though I'm still trying to completely wrap my head around this movie, it's easy to see that past, present, and future, Tommy is doing his damnedest to keep his true love Izzi from dying. In each of his three manifestations, the love that he feels for Izzi (even when she looks like a tree) fuels everything that he does. For example, he sacrifices himself to a dying star in order to breathe new life into her, fights a freaky looking Aztec chief with a flaming sword, and develops a cure for cancer.




5. 300: Amid the sustained stylized violence and Spartans clad in leather briefs, there is a pretty intense love story going on in this movie. As the movie comes to an end, and Leonidas is the only Spartan left standing after being betrayed and defeated by the vast Persian army, he gazes upwards to see a volley of hostile arrows coming his way. At this moment, facing his death he utters the four words that have been on his mind throughout his long and bloody battle, "My wife. My queen." And let's not overlook Gorgo's speech to the senate on behalf of her husband, followed by her personal execution of the conniving Theron ("You will not enjoy this.")



4. Juno: Seeing as how Paulie Bleeker is totally boss, it felt so good to finally see him and Juno officially hook it up. It starts with him running all the way to the hospital after Juno has her baby, and while still wearing his running uniform (golden shorts, cleats, and all) climbs up on the bed and holds Juno as she processes the emotional evolution that she has just gone through, and ends with the two of them sitting on the porch tackling The Moldy Peaches duet "Anyone Else But You."





3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: As the Lacuna Corp. mind-wipers zero in on Joel's last memory of Clementine (the night they first met), Joel struggles to retain this one memory that started their whole experience together. It's presented in Michel Gondry's signature style of image juxtaposition and lots of fading lights that completely illustrates what it must be like to lose one's memories. At first, it seems that all is lost, but Joel's memory of Clementine whispers "Meet me in Montauk" right before the memory altering process is over. The next day, Joel spontaneously skips work and heads to Montauk where he and Clementine meet one more time. Even after they find out that they have already dated, the end hints at the truth that love is not located in the brain.

2. Cold Mountain: I've never seen a movie in which the two main love interests manage to retain their smoldering chemistry regardless of the fact that they share about three scenes together. But, damn do those three scenes explode. The best moment has to be when Ada first sees Inman after he has made his long and arduous desertion from the Civil War. Inman, all in black set against the blinding white snow shambles down a narrow mountain pass as Ada is hunting for food. She looks up, drawing a bead on him with her shotgun. Then the gradual recognition sets in, and she shouts his name with all of this longing and passion... it's so awesome.


1. Lost In Translation: The ending of this movie is just plain brilliant. Throughout the film, the relationship between Bob and Charlotte is built with such delicacy that anything other than the film's ambiguous ending would have completely destroyed the film's overall coolness. The beauty of this scene lies in the fact that we never hear exactly what he whispers to her. Every time you watch this movie, something different could happen at the end, and that is why this movie is number one.



Happy V-Day, home-skillet.

Place Your Bets!!!!!

Right now, I'm sitting in my Methods of Teaching class. As usually happens in this class, my mind wanders. I look around at some of my fellow students and ask myself, "I wonder who would get eaten first in the event of a zombie holocuast?" or "I wonder how many of these students that I could beat in a fist-fight?" So, in honor of my wandering mind projecting simulated fights into my brains, here's a quick list of people who should fight each other, along with who I think would win. Let me know if you agree or disagree, suckas!

1. Anton Chigurh(No Country For Old Men) vs. Leonard Smalls(Raising Arizona)
I'm gonna have to give this one to Chigurh. Leonard Smalls was a big man, that's for sure, but Anton Chigurh is the embodiment of evil.

2. Ari Gold(Entourage) vs. Jack Donaghy(30 Rock)
Were this a battle between Jack Donaghy and the gay Jewish rapper Ari Gold, this one would be easy to call. But, seeing as how it's a throwdown with straight Jewish agent Ari Gold, I'm gonna declare Mr. Gold the winner.

3. Tenacious D vs. Flight of the Conchords
This one's actually pretty easy. I think that the D would win, mainly because they're huge and crazy, while the Conchords are skinny and passive.

4. Bill Pardy(Slither) vs. Ash Williams(Evil Dead)
Don't get me wrong, Bill Pardy is an American badass, but Ash would win out of pure zombie killing experience. Maybe after a few more Slither sequels we can have a rematch.

5. Daft Punk vs. Air
I'll give this one to Daft Punk. They are dressed up in cool robot suits most of the time, which means they can probably take more punishment. And as you can see by the photo of Air, they're made of glass.

6. Hayley Stark(Hard Candy) vs. Juno MacGuff
Wha? Ellen Page vs. Ellen Page? That's right. For those of you who've seen Hard Candy, you might think that Hayley has this one in the bag. But not so fast. This is a competition of actual strength and fist-fight skills. Hayley's clever, but I think that Juno has her beat in overall physical prowess.

7. Hellboy vs. Marv(Sin City)
Okay, Marv had to get the electric chair twice, so that means he's pretty damn tough. Hellboy would end up winning this fight though. Like Chigurh, he's one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse.

8. Smith(Shoot 'Em Up) vs. James Bond
The real test with this match is between Smith's agility with guns and Bond's access to sweet gadgets and sundries. Once that was solved and it came down to a head to head fist-fight, I'm seeing Bond end up winning (Smith's way dangerous with a gun, but without that, I dunno). And he'd say something awful snarky about it as he and Monica Belucci got into his flashy BMW.

9. Cylons(Battlestar Galactica) vs. Reavers(Firefly)
Since the Reavers are all about chaos and wanton devastation, it would be tough for the cool and calculating Cylons to keep up with them. I see this one ending with a lot of bloodshed, but the remaning Reavers would stalk off of the battlefield to surgically implant Cylon bits into their faces.

10. Cloverfield monster vs. The Host monster
Ummmm.... Cloverfield monster didn't ever die, and since The Host monster was done in by a highly-motivated family, I'm gonna give this one to Cloverfield.

There you have it. And yes, this is what I think about when I should be learning about six-trait writing.

Music is My Favorite Waitress

Recently, my lady-love Sheree made me a CD. I would use many words to describe this CD, but I think she encapsulated it best by naming it none other than....XANADU! I think that the appropriateness of this title is born of the fact that listening to the music that she assembled inspired me to seek out awesome rock-tastic music wherever it may be found, much like a roller disco founded by Swan from The Warriors, Gene Kelly, and a muse that looks a lot like Olivia Newton John.
Thus, I wish to make public the results of my fledgling quest so that others may partake and rock. May Zeus watch over me as I continue down this wonderful and treacherous path....

1. Ratatat: 2 dudes + 1 keyboard + 2 guitars x 60,000 killer riffs = something special. All of their stuff is instrumental, and they have done numerous remixes for Biggie Smalls and other notable Rapsters. Basically, this stuff will get you all jazzed up until you foam at the mouth and pass out.

2. Klaxons: This is another techno-roboto duo that just happened to crash land in my back yard during one of those terrible snowstorms that we've been having lately. That being said, there are times when I feel like a total geek for liking these guys. They've got a pretty heavy sci-fi/fantasy vibe ("Half-man, half-horse as he still pollutes my thoughts he rides on a flame in the sky/Four horsemen 2012...Klaxons not centaurs!").

3. Black Kids: Props to Sheree for introducing me to these guys. I haven't heard too much of their stuff, but everything that I have experienced has been totally bitchin'. There's this song that they have called "Hurricane Jane" that is sooo sweet. It's like listening to "The Look of Love" by ABC freak dance with "If You Want My Body" by Rod Stewart.

4. The Wedding Present: There's this online customizable radio genome project thing called Pandora that I have to thank for recommending these guys. They kinda remind me of The Church, but that's about all I can really compare them to (it's even stretching it a bit). Oh, and they also do a wicked cover of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name." You know. The theme song from Cheers.

5. Nathan Lawr and the Minotaurs: Pretty awesome alt-country group. Even cooler, you can get a couple of their songs for free off of their Myspace page.

Now, here's a quick list of some other bands that have been blowing my mind (again, props to Sheree for always being ahead of the game)

Born Ruffians, Haha Tonka, Los Campesinos!, Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova, Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip, The Streets, Mark Ronson, CSS, Lightspeed Champion, and The Whigs

En-freakin'-joy.