Tales Fron The Con, Episode 3: Constitution

Gosh, we look freaking tired! Here we are at day 3 of the Con, and we had just arrived in hall H to see the Lost panel. It's been a long and strange road, but we've managed to pierce the very heart of geekdom. It has definitely taken a toll on our souls, but such profound awesomeness is worth it. Anywho, I'm not planning on writing all that much because I think the point of these entries is to share our photos. Also, it's late and I'm sleepy. Here goes!















































Okay, the Lost panel was probably the most entertaining one of the entire convention. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof threw together fan-made videos commemorating the series and a Miami Vice-ish opening credits scene with a song written by some Lost fans. When the q & a opened up, the dude who plays Donny the head page on 30 Rock presented the executive producers with a painting of them with a polar bear. Soon afterwards, Hurley asked a few unanswerable questions about the series only to be interrupted by Ben (kinda scary to be in the same room with the guy). Their routine was a pretty funny scenario about Ben originally auditioning for Hurley's part, accompanied by a video of said audition. Right, the panel expanded to include Richard Alpert, Sawyer, and eventually Charlie! I loved it a lot. Lost is a great show, and I'm sad that it's going into its final season.

Afterwards, there was a panel promoting a movie called Solomon Kane. Before it started, I had absolutely no idea what it was. Upon watching the panel, I discovered that it's an adaptation of a comic book by Robert E. Howard who also created Conan. From what I gather, it's about this Puritan dude in the early 1800's who runs around slaying demons. At first I thought, "lame-ass," but the footage was pretty good. The director stressed his desire to make this movie a throwback to old school '80's fantasy movies like Ladyhawke and Beastmaster, which it kinda was. We'll see.














Next, there was a panel for Mike Judge's new movie called Extract. The trailer's out online, and you should watch it if you haven't already. Up there we have Mike Judge, Jason Bateman, and Mila Kunis. The footage was pretty good, and I think that this one will definitely be on par with Office Space, possibly better. On a side note, Mike Judge talks exactly like Hank Hill. Oh, and Jason Bateman vaguely alluded to an Arrested Development movie, saying that everyone's on board but they still need a script.

Moving right along, Sony Pictures presented a panel for 2012 and Zombieland. 2012 is yet another Roland Emmerich disaster movie. This time, L.A. gets flooded and blah blah blah human spirit. Zombieland looked pretty funny though. It's got that Woody Harrelson fella, along with Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. It looks like your basic coming of age zombie movie. I'll hit that.

Now, the panel we were looking forward to all day: Iron Man 2! Here's some pictures, and then I'll try and recreate the footage that we saw using my words:










































As you can see, Robert Downey, Jr., Jon Favreau, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, and Scarlett Johansson were on hand to promote the flick, and by damn does it look wicked. The clip that they showed (twice!) started with Tony Stark in full armor (minus the helmet) hanging out inside the giant donut atop Randy's Donuts in L.A. Oh, and he's appropriately eating some donuts. Then Nick Fury shows up and is like, "Get yo' ass down here!" The pair argue briefly about the Avengers, which Stark calls a "super secret boy band." The footage cuts to a scene of Stark sitting before a group of senators on CNN. A senator played by Gary Shandling keeps probing Stark about his Iron Man "weapon." Hilarity ensues as Stark goads the senator into a rant of "F***k you, Mr. Stark." In the next scene, we have some old newspaper articles and magazine covers plastered all over a dingy basement wall. In Mickey Rourke's Russian accent, Whiplash speaks of Tony Stark coming from a family of thieves and murderers. He says something awesome like, "Blood is in the water, and soon the sharks will come." Then, freaking BOOM! Mickey Rourke's all jacked up with his makeshift electro-whips that he flings around as he approaches a downed Iron Man. Then it's a bunch of action clips, some of which feature Scarlett Johansson looking awesome as the Black Widow. The footage ends with Sam Rockwell as rival billionaire/weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer demonstrating some top of the line guns for Don Cheadle (he took over for James Rhodes). After he finishes, it's all:
Rhodes: I'll take it.
Hammer: Which one?
Rhodes: All of 'em.
The footage ends with effing War Machine with wrist-mounted machine guns and a shoulder mounted gatling gun shooting the hell out of everything!
As far as exclusive footage went, this stuff was amazing. It was long, bitchin', and totally got me jazzed to see this when it comes out next year.

We ended our day with a trip to the exhibition hall, where I picked up volume 8 of The Goon's trade paper back exploits which I later got signed by Eric Powell. Here's a picture of Sheree with a fake Jason Bateman, because we didn't actually get to meet the real Jason Bateman:

Huzzah!