That Which Rocked in 2007

DISCLAIMER:This is going to be one hell of a posting. All of that which was awe-inspiring within the pop-culture world is included. Forgive me if it is long-winded and excruciatingly badass.

Movies:
1. No Country For Old Men: I know. Everybody and their dog thought that this was the best movie ever. And for once, everybody (and yes, even their dogs) were right. Let's do the list of why this movie rocked: Acting? Check. Everbody was perfect (double points to Javier Bardem's portrayal of Anton Chigurh, one of the most terrifying bad guys in movie history). Story? Check. A simple, intriguing storyline that hints to a much more sophisticated social commentary. Cinematography? Check. Texas (and everywhere else Llewelyn ran to get away from Chigurh) was so sweeping and lonely. I could go on, but if you've seen this movie, you know it's damn near perfect.

2. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: This is second because it's the only Broadway musical to truly be badass, and because Tim Burton did a very nice job adapting it to the big screen. Johnny Depp's vocals brought a rock-star quality to Sondheim's lyrics, giving the songs about vengeance and nihilism a welcome edge. Props are also due to Sacha Baron Cohen for his portrayal of Adolfo Pirelli, a rival barber and Sweeney's first victim. He's not in it for long, but he owns every minute of his screen time.

3. Juno: Every time I think about this movie, I start smiling. It was such a clever interpretation of teenagers, their parents, and how to make the best out of a situation that nobody is ever prepared for. Out of the bazillion movies about high school, this is the one that captures all of the confusion, angst, and humor that teenagers have to deal with.

4. Grindhouse: What's not to like about a three-hour double feature created by two of the biggest horror movie geeks in the world? Rodriguez's Planet Terror was definitely superior to Tarantino's Death Proof, but the whole package was just so excessive and inspired (much like eating way too many meatballs, which I did previous to writing this) that I would define it as a milestone in movie history. And I do not use the word milestone lightly.

5. Knocked Up/Superbad: I can't really think of Knocked Up without thinking about how funny Superbad was, so they get a tie. Judd Apatow and his crew are the funniest people in the universe.

Albums:
1. Neon Bible--Arcade Fire: This band is amazing. They sneaked right into number one because I had the privilege of seeing them play live. The album is nearly flawless, and the band's musical range is beyond compare. I love every song on this album, largely because of their expert use of the pipe organ. Who knew such a lame instrument could rock so hard?
Best Song: tie between Keep The Car Running and (Antichrist Television Blues)

2. Super Taranta!--Gogol Bordello: We all know that Arcade Fire is amazing, but imagine them if they abandoned their flawless and intricate musical arrangements for unbridled and anarchic energy and chaos. Then you'd get Gogol Bordello, who truly are the yin to Arcade Fire's yang. Listening to this music makes you want to join a gypsy tribe and travel around the world, reestablishing a connection with our gypsy ancestors.
Best Song: Ultimate

3. Icky Thump--The White Stripes: I think my enjoyment of this album was due to the Raconteurs. I dug their album and all, but every time I heard Jack White on backup vocals I would think, "Why? Where are my White Stripes?" So, when Icky Thump came out (and blew my mind) I was so happy to listen to Jack and Meg bust out a little awesome awesome.
Best Song: A Martyr For My Love For You

4. Era Vulgaris--Queens of the Stone Age: The more I listen to these guys, the more I freaking love them. They lay down just enough hard rock to make you want to punch something, and the melodies and rhythms that they evoke with their dark metal powers are hypnotic. Let's also not overlook how awesome it is that my man Julian Casablancas of The Strokes pulls off some sweet guest vocals on I'm Designer.
Best Song: Make it Wit' Chu

5. Black and White Album--The Hives: This band has totally grown on me. They are the kings of the quick and the loud, but there's something about the Gothic horror that subtly backlights their image and sound that sets them apart from the rest. On this album, the well-dressed Swedes branched out a bit, the prime example being the danceable song T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S. that was forged with the help of Pharrell Williams, creating something both unique and badass.
Best Song: You Got It All... Wrong

At this point, you may want to take a break, perhaps to make yourself a sandwich or get a cold beverage. Aaaah. Nice.

TV:
1. The Office: We finally get to see Pam and Jim hook up, and then the damn writers have to strike. Regardless of that minor...inconvenience, it's been an awesome season, beginning with the hour-long episodes that kicked it all off. I loved Dwight's bed and breakfast, Andy's serenade to Angela with Here Comes Treble, Michael's declaration of bankruptcy, and just freaking everything. I hope the writers can get their royalties soon, because TV is sucking right about now.

2. 30 Rock: I started watching this show just because it happened to be on before The Office, but damn is it funny. Since it too has become a casualty of the writer's strike, Sheree and I have taken to watching the first season on DVD. Tracy Morgan is balls to the walls, and Jack McBrayer is walls to the balls. You know what I mean.

3. Project Runway: Yeah, it's a show about fashion designers. But who knew that fashion designers were so crazy and hilarious to watch? I crack up every time Ricky the lingerie guy breaks down and cries about how he can't get his garment to ruffle properly, and when Elisa the nature freak spits on her garments in order to "imbue them with her energy." Throw in Heidi Klum (or simply The Klum, as I like to call her) who is a total babe and Tim Gunn who mixes just the right amount of sarcasm in with his immaculate diction, and you've got pure entertainment.

4. Entourage: This show is great for two reasons: celebrity cameos that reflect exactly how I picture said celebrities in real life (most notably Gary Busey in Season 1 and Seth Green in Season 3) and Ari mutha f***in' Gold. Sure, it's about Vinnie Chase and his crew, but the dudes have to take a back seat to Jeremy Piven's foul-mouthed cutthroat of an agent. Johnny Drama comes really close to being as cool as Ari, but it's just not happening. For the best possible effect, watch any of the scenes with Ari and his assistant, Lloyd. Their banters back and forth are priceless.

5. Iron Chef America: For awhile now, it's become a tradition for Sheree and myself to indulge in a little Iron Chef on Sunday nights. The battlefield that is Kitchen Stadium has been the backdrop to some pretty intense culinary skirmishes. If you don't know what this show is, look into it, dammit! It's on Food Network! Sunday nights! 7:00, and then again at 11:00!

Comics:
1. Hellboy by Mike Mignola and Duncan Fegredo: The "Darkness Calls" storyarc was totally kickass. It involved a clandestine plot masterminded by the Baba Yaga, the Russian witch who lost an eye last time she tangled with Hellboy, and was very heavy in Russian folklore. The latter part of the series involved Hellboy fighting with a dude named Koschei the Deathless, who can't die unless you find his soul which is hidden within an egg within a snake within a rabbit within a goat or something jacked up like that. It was totally sweet.

2. Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday: Lately, the revamped X-Men haven't been doing to well. The Danger Room became sentient and vengeful, Wolverine got mindfudged and thought that he was an eight-year-old, and a destructive race from a planet called Breakworld is planning on blowing up Earth. The recent issues have involved Cyclops losing his powers, going on a kamikaze space mission, dying on said kamikaze space mission, and getting resurrected only to be severely tortured.

3. All Star Batman and Robin by Frank Miller and Jim Lee: I've been loving this one. Nobody writes Batman better than Frank Miller, and nobody draws Batman better than Jim Lee. True, there was about a year gap between issues three and four, but it's on track now. Among the many awesome things that have happened, Batman and Black Canary share a quick tryst, Dick Grayson's desire to be called Robin is actually cool (it's after Robin Hood), and the Joker has finally showed up (although he has a lame dragon tattoo on his back). Can't wait to see what's next!

4. The Punisher by Garth Ennis and Goran Parlov: Ennis has taken the Punisher through some wickedly twisted places with this series. Currently, a huge psycho named Barricuda has kidnapped Frank Castle's (he's the Punisher when he's not punishing) illegitimate daughter hoping to lure him out of hiding so he can administer some truly horrific torture to the man. Why, you ask? Because previously, the Punisher had gouged out Barricuda's eye, cut off four of his fingers, and left him to be eaten by sharks in the middle of the ocean. It's about to get real.

5. Moon Knight by Charlie Huston and David Finch: I've always liked Moon Knight, and Huston (who writes a lot of hardboiled crime novels) has reinvented him in a way similar to the way Garth Ennis has reinvented the Punisher. Moon Knight (like Sweeney Todd) serves a dark and vengeful god, and at this point he is doing battle with a former sidekick named Midnight who is all cyborged out. We last left Moon Knight tied to a giant clock getting his back cut open in a very painful manner by said sidekick. He'll probably get away though.

Onesies:
Best Book: The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Best Video Game: Rock Band
Best Website: www.whysoserious.com

That should do it! If you finished this, congratulations! You now know what a huge dork I am!