Right now, I'm sitting in my Methods of Teaching class. As usually happens in this class, my mind wanders. I look around at some of my fellow students and ask myself, "I wonder who would get eaten first in the event of a zombie holocuast?" or "I wonder how many of these students that I could beat in a fist-fight?" So, in honor of my wandering mind projecting simulated fights into my brains, here's a quick list of people who should fight each other, along with who I think would win. Let me know if you agree or disagree, suckas!
1. Anton Chigurh(No Country For Old Men) vs. Leonard Smalls(Raising Arizona)
I'm gonna have to give this one to Chigurh. Leonard Smalls was a big man, that's for sure, but Anton Chigurh is the embodiment of evil.
2. Ari Gold(Entourage) vs. Jack Donaghy(30 Rock)
Were this a battle between Jack Donaghy and the gay Jewish rapper Ari Gold, this one would be easy to call. But, seeing as how it's a throwdown with straight Jewish agent Ari Gold, I'm gonna declare Mr. Gold the winner.
3. Tenacious D vs. Flight of the Conchords
This one's actually pretty easy. I think that the D would win, mainly because they're huge and crazy, while the Conchords are skinny and passive.
4. Bill Pardy(Slither) vs. Ash Williams(Evil Dead)
Don't get me wrong, Bill Pardy is an American badass, but Ash would win out of pure zombie killing experience. Maybe after a few more Slither sequels we can have a rematch.
5. Daft Punk vs. Air
I'll give this one to Daft Punk. They are dressed up in cool robot suits most of the time, which means they can probably take more punishment. And as you can see by the photo of Air, they're made of glass.
6. Hayley Stark(Hard Candy) vs. Juno MacGuff
Wha? Ellen Page vs. Ellen Page? That's right. For those of you who've seen Hard Candy, you might think that Hayley has this one in the bag. But not so fast. This is a competition of actual strength and fist-fight skills. Hayley's clever, but I think that Juno has her beat in overall physical prowess.
7. Hellboy vs. Marv(Sin City)
Okay, Marv had to get the electric chair twice, so that means he's pretty damn tough. Hellboy would end up winning this fight though. Like Chigurh, he's one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse.
8. Smith(Shoot 'Em Up) vs. James Bond
The real test with this match is between Smith's agility with guns and Bond's access to sweet gadgets and sundries. Once that was solved and it came down to a head to head fist-fight, I'm seeing Bond end up winning (Smith's way dangerous with a gun, but without that, I dunno). And he'd say something awful snarky about it as he and Monica Belucci got into his flashy BMW.
9. Cylons(Battlestar Galactica) vs. Reavers(Firefly)
Since the Reavers are all about chaos and wanton devastation, it would be tough for the cool and calculating Cylons to keep up with them. I see this one ending with a lot of bloodshed, but the remaning Reavers would stalk off of the battlefield to surgically implant Cylon bits into their faces.
10. Cloverfield monster vs. The Host monster
Ummmm.... Cloverfield monster didn't ever die, and since The Host monster was done in by a highly-motivated family, I'm gonna give this one to Cloverfield.
There you have it. And yes, this is what I think about when I should be learning about six-trait writing.
2 comments:
Dude, once Chigurh enters a list like this, he's got it in the bag. Or should I say "Bodybag!!!" Yes!
Bond is also prolly always gonna take dudes down.
All in all, your time was well spent today in class.
First of all, this is one of your most awesome blogs! I disagree with you with Ellen Page (from Juno) vs. Ellen Page (from Hard Candy). I think Hard Candy chick would just spray Juno in the mouth with cleaner, then Juno would be all like, "My baby!" and would be then taken o-u-t out.
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