Tales From the Con, Episode 2: Conversations

Ah! Hello again, readers! Our dude and lady have missed you during their raucous exploits at day 2 of the Con. Now, without further delay, let us resume our journey with this blisteringly attractive couple of adventurers.

Hall H was our adventurer's first stop. Warner Brothers was promoting some of their upcoming releases, along with unreleased footage. The panel started with three scenes from Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are (Not much to photograph, unfortunately. They bust you if you record any of the footage). Verdict: Truly beautiful filmmaking. The music, the creatures, and the setting completely evoke that which was awesome about Maurice Sendak's book. I'm very much looking forward to this one.





















Above, you'll see Gary Oldman, Denzel Washington, and Jackie Earle Haley. The first two were promoting a film called The Book of Eli, which is some kind of post-apocalyptic action fest directed by the Hughes brothers (Dead Presidents, From Hell, and some other stuff). The verdict: Dollar movie worthy, or perhaps just one to watch on cable. Mr. Haley was there promoting the extremely superfluous remake of Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street. Verdict, anyone: The whole idea that someone is remaking this movie bugs me a lot. The director even stooped so low as to call it a "reinvention," and compared it to the relationship between Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins to Tim Burton's Batman. I call bullshit on that!
















Next up, we have Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, Cameron Diaz, and James Marsden. The Fox/Brolin pair were promoting Jonah Hex, which is adapted from a comic book about an ugly ass cowboy and his bad temperment. Verdictus Maximus: Looks a hell of a lot like Ghost Rider, and Ghost Rider was damn near unwatchable. Maybe go see it as an ironic joke. Diaz and Marsden were there for a movie called The Box, which is another flick from the dude who directed Donnie Darko. Do I Smell Verdict? Hard to call. I guess the footage that they showed intrigued me enough to see it, and the dialogue surrounding the 1976 setting was very mysterious. I freaking hate Cameron Diaz though.















Oh ho! Who are these handsome celebrity folk? It's Robert Downey, Jr. and Rachel McAdams, on hand to show us some footage from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. El Verdicto: Balls to the walls. When I heard about the cast and Guy Ritchie and all that good stuff, I was really excited. After seeing the footage, I nearly puked my pants.















Later on, there was a panel for this kinda cool-lookin' movie called 9. It's an animated flick, and Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connely were there because they do voices for it. Oh, and that's Tim Burton! He was one of the producers. At this point of the Con, I decided to take the opportunity to ask a question of Timur Bekmambetov (he directed Wanted and some sweet Russian horror movies called Night Watch and Day Watch. He's also producing this movie):

























Me: Um, excuse me? Mr. Bekmambetov?
Timur B: Yes?
Me: Uh, I was wondering, um, if there is going to be a Dusk Watch film to finish the Night Watch trilogy?
Timur B: No.
Me: Oh. Drag. Kay, bye.

It's quite humbling to see your ugly mug up on that huge screen, knowing that literally thousands of people can see you and are judging your coolness based solely upon what kind of question you ask. I had to go to the bathroom after I finished. Oh, Verdicto Finale: 9 could be cool, but the footage they showed was veeerrry boring. That makes me think that they're relying too much on how things look, and that tells me that it might suck.
Oh, this is just Peter Jackson in his very first Comic-Con appearance. No big deal. But seriously, it is a big deal. He's producing a movie called District 9 that is about aliens that are being kept in a ghetto by us nasty humans. What's That? Oh, Just A Verdict: I'd place District 9 just under Sherlock Holmes and Where the Wild Things Are on the list of movies that I'm very much looking forward to. There was also a panel for some movie called Legion about militant angels or some dumb thing like that. It looked like a fried turd that had been left under the radiator for three weeks.














Here is where our journey takes a strange turn. Eric Powell (creator of The Goon) was on hand to celebrate Goon's tenth anniversary. Along with him were Thomas Lennon, Robert Garant (otherwise known as officers Jim Dangle and Travis Junior of Reno 911!), and a little boy dressed up like Nacho Libre. Lennon and Garant were posing as Powell's older, white trashier brothers. I don't know what the hell the Nacho Libre kid was doing there though. Towards the end of the panel, they showed some footage of an upcoming animated feature that is being helmed by David Fincher, which was pretty rad. Un-rad, however was Eric Powell himself. He seemed a lot like the quiet kid at your school who is secretly a dick. Oh, and the Reno 911! dudes were very funny for the first fifteen minutes of the panel, but the schtick couldn't sustain itself for the full hour. Meh.

That pretty much concludes day two, readers. Can you handle two more days? Can you? Answer me!!!