Satanists and Robots Assault Vegoose '07

This past weekend I was privileged to get my socks rocked off by some of the most ass-kicking bands around. I was also privileged to see the gaggle of Las Vegas freaky freakies who came out to pay tribute to the pantheon of rock gods that called down fire and brimstone with their furious rock-on-itude. Since it's tough to describe exactly what the crowd looked like with wordses, have a look at this:
Boy, that doesn't even do it justice.
Anywho, I wanna get more into who I saw and how they ranked on the Awesometer, so here goes.
DAY 1, 12:45 PM
Gogol Bordello: I've just recently started to listen to these self-proclaimed Gypsy Punks, and they are completely nuts. As soon as I heard their album "Super Taranta!" I thought to myself, "I bet these guys kick ass live," and I was totally right. Onstage, this eight-piece force of nature was a riot. Frontman Eugene Hutz channeled generations of archaic gypsy energy and sent it spinning into the crowd, not to mention the furious fiddlin' of The Sergey (who was good enough to let me take a picture with him). The highlight of their act came right before their performance of "Start Wearing Purple" when a barechested Hutz poured the bottle of wine he'd been nursing all over himself, effectively wearing some purple of his own.
DAY 1, 2:00 PM
Mastodon: Before Vegoose, I wasn't super familiar with this band. I'd heard about their album that was an adaptation of Moby Dick and I thought that they had a cool name, so I went to check them out. My verdict? Not bad. Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of this type of music (the Ozzfest heavy metal throat grumbly stuff), but they were decent enough to check out.
DAY 1, 5:00 PM
Cypress Hill/Public Enemy: I'm going to say right off the bat that I really hate rap music. So I walked back and forth between the Double Down stage and the Jokers Wild stage to see these two groups, who I actually kinda like despite my poor opinion of their genre. Cypress Hill rapped about getting high (no surprise) and Public Enemy's Flava Flav led the audience in cheering "Fuck George Bush!" which was well-received by all.
DAY 1, 6:00 PM
The Shins: I'm not the biggest fan of this band, and I think they're just a touch overrated, but to their credit, they put on a good show. In the spirit of Halloween, the took the stage dressed like undead Spanish Inquisitors. I enjoyed their setlist, and even more intriguing was their decision to communicate with the audience with Ringwraith-like shrieks and hisses instead of regular talk. Nice!

DAY 1, 7:30 PM
Queens of the Stone Age: Remember back when I said I wasn't the biggest fan of Mastodon-esque metal? Well I am a huge fan of QOTSA-esque metal. These guys cut into their instruments like surgeons and the diagnosis? BADASS! Lead vocalist Josh Homme prefaced each song with a shout out to all the fine ladies and ended their set by discouraging people from riding the ferris wheel and encouraging people to ride each other. Class mutha effin' act.
DAY 1, 8:15-10:15 PM
Iggy Pop and the Stooges/Thievery Corporation: At this point there was a lull in my Vegoose enthusiasm. I sauntered over to the Snake Eyes stage to see Iggy and his boys do "I Wanna Be Your Dog," but that was about all I could handle. While waiting for the final act, I plopped my butt down to listen to the smooth sounds of Thievery Corporation. I recognized "Lebanese Blonde" from the Garden State soundtrack, and all of their other stuff was rad; complete with the occasional belly dancer.
DAY 1, 10:15 PM
Daft Punk: When I was in high school, I listened to their album "Homework" quite a bit (as did everyone else in the world at that time) and after seeing them do their robo-light show live, I realized just how awesome these French techno-spinners actually are. They materialized onstage in a giant pyramid, started rocking out, and just didn't stop. The show got better and better and better until I thought my brain was going to liquify.

DAY 2, 3:00 PM
Ghostland Observatory/Infected Mushroom: One of the best things about going to a music festival such as this is the opportunity to be exposed to bands you've never heard of. Sometimes it sucks and you get pissed, but other times it's awesome and you get stoked. Both of these bands fell into the latter category. Ghostland's frontman Aaron Behrens gyrated like a cobra under a snakecharmer's spell, and cursed the "demon" sun for draining all of his energy. Afterwards, Infected Mushroom busted out some wicked rock/techno stuff that reminded me of LCD Soundsystem. I was very impressed with both of these groups, and can't wait to add them as friends on MySpace.
DAY 2, 6:30 PM
Muse: I've always liked Muse. I can't put my finger on why, but they've got a very unique sound, and their guitar section is mindblowing. If I'm ever traveling through space, I'd like to have some Muse playing in the background. Anywho, these wily brits got the crowd totally warmed up for the final act, shot confetti all over the place, and cranked out an awesome cover of Nina Simone's "Feeling Good." Oh, and their drummer was dressed up like Spider-Man.

DAY 2, 9:00 PM
Rage Against the Machine: As I said above, Muse prepped the crowd very well for the anticipated performance by the Lords of all Ass-Kicking, and I managed to weasel my way up to the front of the crowd before Rage went on. Now, I'm not much of a mosh-pit fixture, nor do I like it when legions of sweaty freaks constantly rub up on me, so by the time Rage was halfway through "Bulls On Parade," I knew that I was in trouble. So, I weaseled my way to the back, bought myself some lemonade, and enjoyed the show from a safe distance. They wrapped up the show amazingly, and I'm pretty sure all the mounted cops were around just in case some total chaos broke out (it was just partial chaos, so everybody was okay).
In The End: As we drove back to our homes in Salt Lake City, it was tough to believe that it all really happened. Two days spent with some amazing music and some genuine cave people just doesn't seem like it can take place. But it did, and it was barf-inducingly radical.

Everyone Loves an Amnesiac

After watching all three Bourne movies, I thought to myself “Self, I like watching amnesiacs struggle with the cruel hand that fate has dealt them. And if they manage to cap a few fools along the way, I’m not going to complain.” Upon having this
realization, I began to think of the many other amnesiacs that I know and love. If only they could remember who I am…


1. Clementine Kruczynski and Joel Barish (Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Not only is this a tale of voluntary lacunar amnesia (on par with a night of heavy drinking), it happens to be one of the greatest love stories of all time. Despite the fact that Joel and Clementine have erased one another from each other’s mind, they still manage to meet up and (hopefully) work it all out. Even amnesia can’t stop two people from being in love. It’s just so cute.
Amnesiawesome: In an attempt to save his memory of Clementine, Joel finds her and attempts to hide her in the parts of his mind that are reserved for personal shame and humiliation. It takes a lot of love to bring someone into those dark and painful mental regions, that’s for sure.

2. Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), The Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum: My man Jason Bourne. I can safely say that I love the guy. Even though he’s killed countless people and could do me in with a Bic pen, I just really hope he gets his life sorted out.
Amnesiawesome: After finding out about his first mission (the one that involved killing a married couple and making it look like the killed themselves), Bourne tracks down their daughter and explains what happened. Sure, the guy can tangle with the most deadly of assassins, but it’s these moments of integrity that make him heroic.

3. River Tam (Summer Glau): Like Jason Bourne, River is a government-engineered weapon whose mind has been fractured by needles and experiments. Her brother Simon the doctor kidnapped her and smuggled her aboard Serenity in hopes to get her away from the ever-pursuant Alliance. While on the ship, she talks all kinds of scary nonsense and surprises everyone when an animated Japanese octopus triggers her into kicking the crap out of a whole bar full of people. Badaaasss.
Amnesiawesome: Within the first half hour of Serenity, the crew is chased out of a backwater town by the cannibalistic and scary-as-hell Reavers. After watching Mal (Nathan Fillion) shoot a townsfolk to save him from being eaten alive and seeing Jayne (Adam Baldwin) get harpooned through the leg, the first thing that River says upon reaching the safety of their ship? “I swallowed a bug.”

4. Sammy Jankis (Guy Pearce), Memento: It’s been awhile since I’ve watched this flick, but I do remember how intense it was to watch Sammy tattoo clues on his body and leave himself reminders everywhere. Honestly, this one hurt my head pretty badly. But I’ll be okay.
Amnesiawesome: After we find out that Carrie-Anne Moss (I forget her character’s name. How ironic!) is evil, we watch as she confesses her evil intentions, leaves the house, and returns five minutes later. Due to Sammy's regrettable condition, he still thinks she's okay. What a total bee-yotch.

5. Rita/Camilla Rhodes (Laura Elena Harding), Mulholland Drive: In Lost Highway, David Lynch was toying with the idea of what smartfolk call a dissociative fugue, which is when a person mentally erases their own identity and recreates another one due to some kind of trauma or psychosis. Rita in Mulholland Drive may or may not be suffering from some sort of “fugue” syndrome. It took me exactly sixteen hours to get that far in my interpretation of this movie.
Amnesiawesome: No, it’s not the girl on girl love scene. Pervs. It’s when Rita and Betty (Naomi Watts) visit the strange nightclub Silencio. It appears to be a halfway point between the mental worlds that Rita and Betty inhabit while living in the crazy city of L.A. And I thought Rebekah Del Rio’s Spanish version of “Cryin’ Over You” by Roy Orbison was a tear jerker.


6. John Murdoch (Rufus Sewell), Dark City: Unlike the other members of this list, John Murdoch has amnesia because of alien parasites. He lives in a city that is controlled by the Strangers (the aforementioned alien parasites), who conduct mind experiments on the city’s inhabitants. Murdoch wakes up in a bathtub with no memory of who he was because all of his memories have been extracted from his brain via creepy syringe by Dr. Schreber (Kiefer Sutherland). Long story short, he learns how to use the Strangers’ powers against them, does mighty battle with their leader, and recreates the city in a more sunny and happy image.
Amnesiawesome: Though it appears that Mr. Murdoch is about to be killed by the Strangers, Dr. Schreber sneakily injects his brain with the know-how to use their alien captors’ telekinetic powers against them. Afterwards, an all out mental apocalypse takes place as John and Mr. Book shoot telekinetic bolts at one another. Mental Apocalypse would be a good band name.


7. Wolverine/Logan (Hugh Jackman), X-Men: Before I start, I’d just like to say that Brett Rattner has screwed this franchise. Anywho, Wolverine got amnesia because of government experiments too (that’s three!). The reason he gets to be in his own category is because he’s a mutant and the experiment involved lacing his skeleton with unbreakable adamantium steel! Not to mention that when he starts having flashbacks of his torturous ordeal, he usually freaks out and kicks some ass.
Amnesiawesome: Honestly, when isn’t Wolverine doing something awesome? He’s either going berserk on soldiers or trying to steal Jean Grey away from dorky Cyclops.

A dream that I had in the middle of winter

It starts with a large military force walking through the streets of a city that looks to be somewhere in the Middle East. My perspective is that of the commanding officer of this military force. Eventually we come to what looks like a small house. I knock on the door and say something in another language. There is a long pause, but a voice from within shouts at us to enter. The door is opened and we all walk inside. Inside, the small house appears to be a fortress. The ceiling is gone and the sky is cloudy and gray. We are walking through a narrow hallway with large stone walls on either side of us. Everywhere I look there are soldiers that appear to be of Arabic descent. They regard us suspiciously from the tops of the walls and from the end of the hallway. I remember thinking to myself that if they wanted, they could gun us all down right now very easily. But they don’t, and we keep walking. Eventually we come out of the long stone hallway into what looks like a courtyard. Now the structure looks to be built out of the ruins of a very old castle. The grounds are very large and in the distance there appears to be the living quarters. As our guide leads us closer to the middle of the courtyard (and to what I assume to be the leader of this group) I start hearing orders coming from my earpiece to ‘wait for the second gunners,’ which were a group of our soldiers that were already here and disguised as the Middle Eastern soldiers. As soon as they revealed themselves, we started killing everyone. We combed through the ruins shooting everyone in sight. In addition to soldiers, there appeared to be men of different ethnicity wearing suits. We killed these men as well. I recall two men of the aforementioned description walking calmly towards me. One told the other that he ‘had evidence that would get them out of here.’ I shot both of them and kept moving. At this point my perspective changed to that of different soldiers around the ruins. When we got to the living quarters, they were mostly empty. We searched the rooms one by one. Eventually we found one with a woman and two or three children. She was screaming, but my soldier talked to her and tried to calm her down. In a few minutes he came back out. I just nodded to him, and he went back into the room. I heard gunshots, and for a brief second saw the terrified children right before they were killed in their bed. After this, the world around me slowed down and then there was a flash-forward. In the same room that I had been a military commander, I was now a journalist (I think) and it was something like five years later. I was standing in this room with another man (who looked Arabic) and we started to walk down a flight of stairs back to the courtyard. When we got to the bottom, I saw some old women hunched over and painting a red line around the perimeter of the courtyard. These women were chanting something as they did this which reminded of Native Americans. My guide explained to me that this was the day of a ceremony commemorating the bloodshed that took place five years ago, and that the women were blessing the ground. I looked over to the opposite side of the courtyard and saw many people with flowers and banners who looked as if they were in mourning. We walked over in their direction chatting about things that I don’t remember. We left the ruins and started to walk up the street. My guide showed me the scaffolding on the outside of the ruins and explained his excitement that they were restoring these old buildings. As we walked, I saw other ruins that looked to be separate from the structure in which we started. We walked for a very long time up this road, and it soon changed from cobblestones to dirt. At this point my guide began talking about religion and his own perspective of religion. He explained that there were three things about religion that he loved. I don’t remember the first two, but the third was ‘long, dark, silences.’ He then posed the example of that time after two people make love and are lying in bed together. He said that during this time, he waits for his companion to fall asleep and then just lies there in the dark silence. At this point, another man interjected (this man just appeared. I don’t remember him being with us at the beginning, although my guide appeared to know him) saying all manner of things about how one should properly treat a lady, like bringing flowers and candy and lots of different things. My guide just laughed and I thought this man was drunk. It is also important to note that when this second man appeared in my dream, there was a simultaneous appearance of a pan filled with frosted and sprinkled brownies.
As we walked up this dirt road, my guide continued to talk about religion (though I don’t remember any details). I did get the impression that this man was the head of some form of militant sect at this point. I also figured that it was his plan to take revenge on those who killed everybody in the ruins five years ago. Soon we stopped at a decrepit old house that looked painfully small. We walked in, and there were many other people inside. The room looked like a small arena. Everyone stood in rows that were separated by metal gates and poles. Soon an old woman came out and announced something that I couldn’t understand, but elicited cheers from the crowd, my guide included. She then walked out of my line of sight and released a small pig into the arena in front of us. The pig was running around on two legs and for some reason looked artificial. Soon after, a wolf came running in. The pig attempted to flee from the wolf, but the arena was so small that the wolf had the pig in no time. The wolf dragged the pig into my peripheral vision. I couldn’t see the wolf or the bottom half of the pig, but I could tell the wolf was ravenously devouring the small animal. At this point, the horrible violence that was being inflicted on the pig is difficult to explain. I could still see the top half of the pig, and I saw its skin get ripped off, its skull caved in, and there was blood everywhere. In a few moments, the old woman came back in to gather up the bloody remains of the pig (which now looked like a human doll/child). The wolf obediently stood at the old woman’s heel. I looked over at my guide who was drinking from a hip flask, and then back to the old woman. The wolf was now a young girl with blood all over her face. She asked my guide for a drink from his flask, but the old woman reprimanded her, telling her that ‘she must do what she does for free, otherwise it loses its meaning.’
At this point, I woke up.