Aug 30, 2012

Little Hand Says It's Time to Rock and Roll: How Point Break Can Help Us Navigate Today's Political Discourse


 Though it's true that political discourse in our country has achieved new levels of vitriolic mudslinging, name calling, flimflamming, and finger pointing, the fact remains that come November, Americans will have to make a choice as to who will lead the Free World.  But who will do the most for our country? Who will truly step up to the plate and get the U.S. of A. back on track? I for one have given up on looking for answers in the hollow words of politicians--words that have been purchased by billionaires gunning for a tax break.  In order to truly understand what is best for our future, one must look to the past--specifically to the year 1991.  It was in this year that Kathryn Bigelow's cinematic masterpiece Point Break was released.  Though Bigelow herself may not have known just how lost we would become as a country, I maintain that screenwriters Rick King and W. Peter Iliff were possessed of a preternatural understanding of American politics.  Through their deep comprehension of the political sciences, they were able to accurately predict two startling realities that we would face today.  First, the Republican and Democratic parties as we know them are nothing more than facades to conceal the interests of the obscenely wealthy.  Second, in order to distract the general public from this reality, both parties would work to strain bipartisan relationships among their constituencies to the breaking point--a point break, if you will.

Knowing that their discovery was too important to leave to the bureaucratic red tape of Washington D.C., they turned to Hollywood to get their message to the public.  Choosing to couch their scathing indictment of the American political climate in the 21st century within an action film that would be mass marketed to America's poor and working class, Point Break was released.  Not since Picasso's Guernica has a piece of art so elegantly condemned the greed and corruption that runs rampant among those with the most power.

The opening of this rabbit hole is revealed during the opening credits of the film.  Two scenes are juxtaposed together--one depicting the film's protagonist John "Johnny" Utah (Keanu Reeves) on the brink of completing his FBI training, the other depicting the film's antagonist known only as Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) on the brink of robbing yet another bank.  Through the interaction between these two characters, King and Iliff illustrate the relationship between the common man and the government.  In Point Break, today's government is represented by Bodhi and his three accomplices who operate under the nom de crime "The Ex-Presidents."   Though the exploration of this theme lacks the subtlety that King and Iliff demonstrated in 1990's Prayer of the Rollerboys, its relevance is in no way diminished.

Why Be A Servant to the Law When You Can Be Its Master?
An in-depth analysis of the presidents that King and Iliff decided to include is very telling: Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Ronald Reagan (supposedly, the original script included a fifth bank robber to be disguised as Gerald Ford, but due to budget restraints elsewhere, he was not included in the film).  These presidents represent the period of time after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, which marked a gradual decline into the political situation that we now see before us.  When their true characters are revealed, the audience learns that the Ex-Presidents are actually thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies who rob banks in order to finance their addiction.  They are perfect archetypal representations of the wealthy who will never be truly satisfied, no matter how much money and power they amass.  The decision to name their leader Bodhi (short for Bodhisattva, one who has obtained enlightenment according to Buddhist theology) alludes to the extremely rich who claim that their vast wealth is merely a result of their own enlightenment.

I Was Taking Shrapnel in Khe Sanh When You Were Crapping In Your Hands and Rubbing It On Your Face
Enter Special Agent John Utah.  Obviously, the choice to name the protagonist after a state in the Union bears some significance.  Some theorists argue that the use of a traditionally conservative state like Utah hints at a conservative revivalist movement such as the Tea Party.  However, I tend to side with the school of thought that believes that King and Iliff wanted to use one of the fifty states as the name for their protagonist, and Johnny Utah was the most convincing for an action hero.

Utah's youth and enthusiasm have earned him a unique perspective on the bank robbery scene in Los Angeles.  He is assigned to an aging Vietnam veteran named Angelo Pappas (Gary Busey), and together they develop a plan to stop the Ex-Presidents--despite being ridiculed by everyone else in their department.  Utah and Pappas represent the symbiotic relationship that the younger generation needs to have with the older generation in order to effectively end the corruption of those who feel they are above the law.  Pappas, who has grown disillusioned with the state of his department, needs Utah to reignite his desire to confront and change the problems before him.  In exchange, Utah gains the wisdom and experience that Pappas, a remnant of the Kennedy era, will provide.

You're Saying the FBI Is Going to Pay Me to Learn to Surf?
In order to find and eliminate the Ex-Presidents, Special Agent Utah must infiltrate their tightly-knit social group and bring them down from within.  His journey into the world of surfing and extreme sports is a modern visualization of Frank Capra's 1939 classic Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.  In his efforts to expose the Ex-Presidents, Utah becomes so entrenched in their world that he can't escape unscathed.  When Bodhi discovers Utah's actual plans, he forces him to accompany his gang on a bank robbery, thus effectively turning Utah into that which he is trying to destroy.  Only by sacrificing everything is Utah able to finally catch Bodhi, which brings us to the final scene.  Utah has Bodhi cornered on a beach in Australia.  Bodhi just wants to ride the ultimate wave to his inevitable death, whereas Utah wants to bring Bodhi in to face justice.  Utah's decision to let Bodhi catch his final wave indicates that though Utah has endured many scars on his quest to bring about a change, he has not sacrificed his soul.

Vaya Con Dios
In presenting this message for analysis, King and Iliff have reached out to our generation from the past.  They witnessed the beginning of the end, and created Point Break in an effort to guide us through our current political crisis.  It is important that we not forget that politicians are merely adrenaline junkies operating under the guise of enlightened leaders, and if just one state can pull itself together by encouraging the younger generation to cooperate with the older generation, there might be a chance to make some kind of difference.  It's not going to come cheaply or easily.  We may lose face along the way.  But if you want the ultimate, you have to be willing to pay the ultimate price. 



   

May 24, 2012

Summer Reading Times!

I've got about two more weeks of teaching until summer vacation.  In my struggle to stay motivated to provide my students with meaningful end-of-year instruction, my mind has wandered to all of the free time I'll have to do some hardcore reading.  So, for the enjoyment of the blogosphere, here are ten books that I'd like to read over the summer.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: I read this in high school, and I've seen both the Keira Knightley and Colin Firth film adaptations.  I'd like to re-read it for work, because I've picked up an AP Lit class, and this is going to be their summer reading assignment.  I figured it would be a good idea to brush up on my Austen.

2. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: This is another one I read back in high school, and since it was my go-to text for both of my AP tests, I feel like it's a useful book for students to break into.  If I finish my list early, I'd like to check out Paranoid Park because it's supposedly a contemporary re-telling of Dostoyevsky's study in Slavic angst.

3. I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak: I loved The Book Thief to a ridiculous degree, so I decided to expand my Markus Zusak repertoire.  The premise sounds interesting--a New York cab driver is led around the city by face cards bearing mysterious riddles, though he doesn't know who or what is behind these strange missions. 

4. Dune by Frank Herbert: I started Dune awhile ago and just couldn't dig deep enough to keep going.  But this summer, I'm giving the old boy a serious chance.  And them I'm going to watch the extended director's cut of David Lynch's film adaptation, which for some reason is on very late every Saturday night on BBC America.

5. Sabriel by Garth Nix: I keep hearing good things about this book.  All I really know is that it fits into the fantasy genre, and I like the cover--it hints at some mystery that I'd like to solve.  I'm hoping to use this book to help expand my knowledge of fantasy books, because I'm a nerd.

6. The Revisionists by Thomas Mullen: Occasionally, I think to myself, "You know what, Alex? Most of the books that you read are pretty easy to figure out.  Maybe you should read a book that ties your brain up into knots just for the hell of it." I decided to take my own advice and read this book, which is about a time traveler who bounces throughout history making sure terrible things don't happen in order to protect a Utopian future.  Sounds like a mindfudge.

7. Swamplandia! by Karen Russell: A few months ago, I read an interesting article on NPR about books that were snubbed for this year's Pulitzer Prize, and this book was on their list.  It sounds awesome.  Alligator wrestlers, dark forces, and swamp folk--all things that I find fascinating.

8. Death and the Penguin by Andrey Kurkov: I minored in Russian literature, so it's safe to say that I have a special place in my heart for it.  I read about this book (also on NPR, I think) and it sounded both fascinating and Russian.  Oh, and the main character owns a penguin.  Which would be cool.

9. Jennifer Government by Max Barry: I've started this book twice now, but the timing just hasn't been right.  It's an awesome premise--in a dystopian, corporatized world, people's last names are dictated by who they work for, and mega-corporations engineer mass murders in order to promote new sneakers.  Like Dune I'm going to punch this one in the face by reading it.  Hard.

10. The Reactionary Mind: Conservatism From Edmund Burke to Sarah Palin by Corey Robin: I thought it would be a good idea to include some nonfiction on my list, so here's the one I went for.  I figure with a presidential election coming up, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on my political thinking.

There it is.  Now let's see if I can pull it off without getting distracted by sitting and doing nothing.

Feb 11, 2012

Saturday, Feb. 12; Midnight-ish.

1. Fact Checking in Movies Based on Real Life Sucks: While preparing to give a talk in church, I was investigating the story that Paul Brand tells Billy Beane in Moneyball involving Jeremy Brown and his inadvertent home run. Though I'm still not sure if that was a true story or a fabrication of the screenwriters, I had to wade through several reviews that criticized the film for its lack of realism and its departure from the real story. Why in the hell to people do this? Regardless of source material, movies are WORKS OF FICTION. The phrase "based on a true story" does not mean "everything you are about to see actually happened." I'm pretty sure The Texas Chainsaw Massacre had the subheading of "based on true events." I'm not gonna go double check to make sure there was a real Leatherface out there turning teenagers into head cheese. The film industry produces these non-fiction films called documentaries. Maybe you've heard of them? Anyway, these documentaries contain research and facts and all kinds of things that you can nitpick. Leave the movie movies alone and enjoy them with the rest of us.

2. I'm Excited For Season 2.5 of The Walking Dead: AMC was holding a "Walking Dead" marathon today, and I just watched the last episode of the first season. I can't properly express how much I love this show. It's not just because of the zombies and the gore either. It's the dignity with which a zombie apocalypse is treated. In my opinion, The Walking Dead is one of those rare creative forces that takes an idea that's been done several times already (like survivors of a zombie holocaust) and strips it down to its core so we remember why it's cool in the first place.

3. I Had Some Other Crap to Write, But It's Late and I Forgot It: Yeah. Christine came on after The Walking Dead, but it's a movie about a demonic Plymouth. I might play Bioshock until I fall asleep at the controls.

Jan 14, 2012

Stupid Games

I found these two games that you can play online, and thought they were pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, they're also extremely aggravating. How I played so much NES is beyond me.

http://hatsproductions.com/organtrail.html


http://abobosbigadventure.com/fullgame.php


Enjoy!

Mar 30, 2011

Rough All Over

"I am a greaser," Sodapop chanted, "I am a JD and a hood. I blacken the name of our fair city. I beat up people. I rob gas stations. I am a menace to society. Man, do I have fun!"

1. The Suburbs by Arcade Fire


2. Feel Good Hit of the Summer by Queens of the Stone Age


3. Teen Angst (What the World Needs Now) by Cracker


4. Friends by Band of Skulls


5. The Fallen by Franz Ferdinand


6. Let's Rave On by The Raveonettes


7. Fit But You Know It by The Streets


8. Honky's Ladder by The Afghan Whigs


9. Sinister Kid by The Black Keys


10. Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi (w/ MGMT & Ratatat)


11. Ain't No Friend of Mine by Mason Jennings


12. Millstone by Brand New


13. Lone Wolf by Eels


14. Ocean of Noise by Arcade Fire


15. Rock'N Roll by The Sounds


16. Right in the Head by M. Ward


17. No One Loves Me & Neither Do I by Them Crooked Vultures


18. Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed


19. You Know I'm No Good by Amy Winehouse


20. Street Spirit (Fade Out) by Radiohead


21. White Trash Heroes by Archers of Loaf

Jan 12, 2011

Count Blogula vs. 2010: Music

I thought about putting together a list of my favorite albums of 2010, but I soon realized that my list would be the same as everybody else's list. The Black Keys, Mumford & Sons, Cee Lo Green, and a bunch of other artists put out some awesome stuff last year. I do want to make mention of Arcade Fire's epic album The Suburbs, because it was so good that I invented a rock opera in my head to go along with it. Anywho, here's a list of some great artists and their great songs that I felt needed some recognition for being cool in 2010. Have a listen, and tell me what you think.

"I Wanna Be Adored" by The Raveonettes

"The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson

"Catch a Fire" by The Bug

"Holidays" by Miami Horror

"Ambling Alp" by Yeasayer

"Threshold" by Sex Bob-Omb

"Black Sheep" by Metric

"Skin Tight" by Scissor Sisters

"When I'm Small" by Phantogram

Jan 5, 2011

A Nice Day For a Resurrection

It's been so long that I don't even know what to write about. Do I start with my adventures in television watching with The Big Bang Theory, Dexter, and The Walking Dead? Should I explicate my journeys through the digitally rendered world of Fallout: New Vegas? Perhaps I should bring notable news from the world of comic books (I've been particularly enjoying The Stand, American Vampire, iZombie, and The Heroic Age: Avengers). Hmmm....I could also rant about my favorite albums of 2010 (Chief among them would be The Suburbs by Arcade Fire. Best. Album. Ever). And lets not forget books! I've read some good stuff, such as Two Gentlemen of Lebowski, which was a brilliant retelling of The Big Lebowski as if it was written by William Shakespeare (thanks, Sheree). I might also tell you of the fine foods that I have ingested recently. The Machine Gun sandwich from Bruges Waffles and Fries? Dynamite! And I would be greatly remiss if I neglected the fine films that I have seen (I'm having a difficult time deciding whether I liked The Social Network or Inception best....Quandary!).
I suppose I'll just dedicate one blog post apiece to each of my favorite samplings of awesome that I experienced in the last year.

Until we meet again!

Jul 7, 2010

Saturday Morning, Circa 1988

I recently purchased an album by a band called The Go! Team called Thunder, Lightning, Strike. It's a good album, and you can hear a few songs from it courtesy of this playlist. However, when you listen to these songs, I want you to remember Saturday mornings circa 1988. I want you to remember the blurry neon colors that blasted through your pre-satellite television. I want you to remember the chatter of a spoon scraping the last of the Fruity Pebbles from the sides of your cereal bowl. I want you to remember Autobots and Decepticons, the "Sandman" story arc from Ghostbusters, and plastic action figures firing spring-loaded missiles into clear blocks that were never included with the action figure itself. I want you to remember the original Nintendo Entertainment System, and the satisfying ache that took over your thumbs after playing Contra all the way to The Red Falcon's still beating heart. I want you to remember these things while listening to these songs because, at the end of the day, it will make your soul happy.

Jun 20, 2010

Country Fried!


Below is a heapin' helpin' of my new and improved Country Fried Playlist. Let it fill your arteries with saturated awesome.

1. Everlasting Light by The Black Keys
2. Kick Drum Heart by The Avett Brothers
3. Righteous Heart by Nathan Lawr and the Minotaurs
4. Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
5. Tender by Blur
6. Jesus, Etc. by Wilco
7. Skinny Love by Bon Iver
8. Big Sur by The Thrills
9. Everybody Needs Somebody by China Forbes
10. Wildflowers by Tom Petty
11. Right Hand on My Heart by The Whigs
12. Bad Things by Jace Everett
13. A Martyr for My Love For You (Acoustic) by The White Stripes
14. Wishing Well by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
15. Tiger Tiger by The Sadies
16. Someday Baby by R.L. Burnside
17. Stick Around by Jonny Kaplan and the Lazy Stars
18. The Cave by Mumford and Sons
19. You Will Be My Ain' True Love by Alison Krauss
20. Until Morale Improves, the Beatings Will Continue by Murder By Death
21. I Don't Wanna Grow Up by Hayes Carll
22. The Mountain by Heartless Bastards
23. Sweet Jane by Cowboy Junkies
24. Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
25. Four Leaf Clover by Old 97's
26. Further On (Up the Road) by Johnny Cash
27. Jolene by The White Stripes
28. Baby I Love You by The Yayhoos
29. Timebomb by Old 97's
30. W.I.A.D.F.Y. by Elliott Brood
31. Kingdom of Doom by The Good, The Bad, & The Queen
32. Bad As They Seem by Hayden
33. I Wish My Baby Was Born by Tim Eriksen, Riley Baugus, & Tim O'Brien
34. The Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash
35. Country Sweat by Oingo Boingo
36. Great High Mountain by Jack White
37. Goin' Out West by Tom Waits

COOPER: "Do you want to know why I'm whittling?"
TRUMAN: "Okay, I'll bite. Why are you whittling?"
COOPER: "Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means slow down, not speed up."

Mar 23, 2010

"Teachers Are the Greatest Freaks On Earth" --Anne Frank

It's been a really long time since I've spent any time on this clunky old blog of mine, but since I'm contractually obligated to be here for another ten minutes, I'm gonna let loose with a bunch of goings on that have been going on:

Created a facebook account.

Saw a car dodge a cardboard box on I-80 and crash through the median, getting tangled up in a mess of steel cables and dust (I got out of my car to assist, and everyone was okay).

Have been listening to Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity on my drive home and can now say that they are idiots for myself.

Alice in Wonderland was just okay.

Sherlock Holmes was freaking awesome.

Signed up for gamefly (it's like netflix but with video games). Rented Dante's Inferno. Do not recall a gargantuan topless Cleopatra shooting unbaptized babies out of her ta-ta's in the original story.

Musical taste has veered into alt-country folky territory (Mumford & Sons; Elliott Brood; The Avett Brothers).

Have started watching Dexter. It is very awesome. Have added Michael C. Hall to list of dudes that I have a man-crush on.

Purchased and beat Mass Effect 2, but lost three of my crew members in the process. I've never felt so emotionally distraught after a video game character dies as I did when Grunt got carried off by a pack of pissed off alien bats.

Have eaten chicken feet. I do not recommend eating chicken feet.

Am very close to wrapping up the third quarter of my first year teaching. It's gone by pretty fast, but I kind of feel like I've done a good job so far.

That should about cover it. See you in another three months, blogosphere.

Nov 24, 2009

Live Free and Twihard!


Lately I've been pimping the soundtrack to New Moon. I am completely aware of the fact that pimping this album might make me some kind of teenage girl, but hear me out. I haven't seen the movie yet, so my judgment is based completely on the collection of songs themselves. Hopefully the movie doesn't waste such good music, but we'll see. Anywho, what follows is my breakdown of the album. Set faces for stunned.

STANDOUTS (The Ones You Need to Own):

1. Meet Me At the Equinox by Death Cab For Cutie: Few bands can express such acute thoughts about both love and nihilism in just one song. Forgoing the typical, "we're in love and everything's gonna be great" motif, Death Cab punctuates every mention of bodies intertwining with the foreboding reminder that "everything ends." It's beautiful and depressing as hell all at once.

2. Friends by Band of Skulls: I recently purchased a pretty decent album by this band (Baby Darling Doll Face Honey). They kinda sound like a British version of The White Stripes. But I digress. This song is a drunk and disorderly tribute to being irresponsible on the weekends. It's going to the top of the playlist that I'm making for my unit on The Outsiders.

3. Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke: I'm not really gonna get into how intricate and complex Thom Yorke/Radiohead's music is, because to be honest, I don't have the cognitive capacity to even go there. All I know is that Yorke makes music like nobody else, and this song is no exception.

4. Done All Wrong by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: This is a tune in the vein of All You Do Is Talk; a blues-y slow song that drifts into your mind like a cold wind and leaves you slightly more melancholy that you were before.

5. The Violet Hour by Sea Wolf: I've never heard of this band before, but this catchy tune is definitely like the mari ju wanna (you know, like a gateway drug? Heh). I'd describe it as a punchy little number inspired by Belle and Sebastian mixed with a little bit of David Byrne. Coupled with its liberal use of body/nature metaphors, I was caught off guard by how often it pops up in my head when I'm not thinking about anything.

6. Shooting the Moon by OK Go: OK Go sets up some gnarly quirk-rock and bangs it out by beating a big ass drum. This is one I like to crank up in the car to the point where my fillings start to vibrate along with the drum beats.

7. Slow Life by Grizzly Bear: I've decided that Grizzly Bear is a band that you've got to dedicate some time and effort to. Once you've agreed to suspend your disbelief and step into their world, you find something pretty intriguing. On this track, the vocals belong to Victoria Legrand (Yeah, I don't know who that is either), and they compliment Ed Droste's (thanks, Google!) own style. It's slow, pretty, and the more you listen to it, the different musical nuances come into focus.

8. Nothing But the Wind by the Editors: At first, this song was kind of unsettling for me. It's hard to get used to the vocals. But, I gave it some heavy rotation, and it slowly became one of the coolest songs in the world. It's just a dude and his piano busting out some intensely operatic lyrics that make a person want to reinvest themselves in the fight for love!

9: All I Believe In by The Magic Numbers: This song is actually super cheesy. I mean, it even goes off on a Native American-influenced tangent! But, something about this song is charming, and I couldn't help but dig it.

FORGETTABLE (Songs One Would Expect From a Twilight Soundtrack):
I'm not gonna really go into too much detail here. This stuff is the obligatory filler between the awesome songs listed above. If the whole album was as good as the above songs, the fault lines would crack, and humanity would be pulled into a fiery maw of awesome. Or a mawesome, if you will.

1. Possibility by Lykke Li: Six-year-old, chain-smoking depressed girl song part 1.

2. A White Demon Love Song by The Killers: If this song was on "Hot Fuss," it'd be so good! Why? BECAUSE THAT WAS BEFORE THE KILLERS DECIDED TO START SUCKING!!!!

3. Satellite Heart by Anya Marina: Six-year-old, chain-smoking depressed girl song part 2.

4. I Belong to You by Muse: Muse is kind of starting to follow The Killers on their short bus to Suckville.

5. Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent: I was so very disappointed with this song. Everything on "For Emma, Forever Ago" is ten times better than this dirge.

6. Monsters by Hurricane Bells: Sheree noted that this song sounded like a Muse song. It does. They play it on a loop at a truck stop called The Suckery in a place known as Suckville.

7. Solar Midnite by Lupe Fiasco: Crap! Crappiest piece of crap that ever made its way out of Crapville, sister city to Suckville.

Even though there are seven mediocre songs (which is about half the album), the nine standouts are extremely good. That's why I'm pimping this album. At the very least, illegally download the nine good songs and pat yourself on the back for maintaining an open mind.

Oct 28, 2009

Convergence

I'll cop to the fact that I've got the song "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison on my iPod. Do you wanna know why? Do ya? Well, sucker, let me tell you. When I was about 13 or 14 years old (the same age as the howlin' mad Tooele Jr. High Roadrunners that I corral day in and day out) I read a very interesting comic book. The first thing that was interesting was the fact that on the back cover of the dust jacket were the words "suggested for mature readers." The second thing that was interesting was that it was a story about Batman. The third thing that was interesting was the opening pages depicted a young boy named Amadeus taking food to his mother who subsequently vomited up a bunch of cockroaches while mumbling the words "I've eaten." There were about three hundred more interesting things that happened as I traversed my way through Grant Morrison's and Dave McKean's nightmarish graphic novel Arkham Asylum. The final pages are what sparked this entry, however. Each of Batman's psychotic rogues have little messages scrawled out at the end of the book, almost like an epilogue to the story. The one that stuck with me the most, and terrified my little 8th grade soul was this quote given by Dr. Destiny (who later became one of Neil Gaiman's most malevolent villain in his Sandman series). He wrote, "In dreams I walk with you..." Something about the three little dots at the end of this statement haunted me...

Flash forward about ten or eleven years. I was in college at that point, and had just made the decision to watch David Lynch's film Blue Velvet. I watched it alone in the middle of the day, and felt my guts twist up into knots whenever Frank Booth was on screen. Simply put, the dude is the embodiment of bestial cruelty, and you were never quite sure when he was just gonna snap and take you down with him. Anyway, there's this scene where Frank has Jeffrey in his nasty clutches and they go visit a dude Frank calls Ben. Ben's apartment is a prime example of Lynchian f***ked up-ness. The lighting is too phosphorescent, there are carney-folk prostitutes hanging around, and overall it looks like someone just puked up a few loads of vintage clothing all over the place. After a brief dialogue between Ben and Frank, Ben cues up "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison. He pulls out one of those floodlights with the bulb encased in a metal grate and starts lip synching the song into the light. Just what in the hell kind of people are these? Immediately following this bizarre performance, Frank drives Jeffrey out into the middle of an industrial complex where he voraciously applies layers and layers of thick red lipstick to his lower face. He boots Jeffrey out, and as he's kicking the crap out of him, he bellows the phrase, "In dreams I walk with you!" Turns out, that's a damn lyric from Roy Orbison's popular hit about "the candy-colored clown they call the Sandman," entitled "In Dreams."

So I bought that shit on iTunes. Whenever it comes on in my shuffle, I just sit back and replay in my mind the many shades of chaos that these lyrics represent:

"In dreams I walk with you.
In dreams I talk to you.
In dreams you're mine.
All of the time we're together
In dreams, In dreams."

Jul 25, 2009

Tales Fron The Con, Episode 3: Constitution

Gosh, we look freaking tired! Here we are at day 3 of the Con, and we had just arrived in hall H to see the Lost panel. It's been a long and strange road, but we've managed to pierce the very heart of geekdom. It has definitely taken a toll on our souls, but such profound awesomeness is worth it. Anywho, I'm not planning on writing all that much because I think the point of these entries is to share our photos. Also, it's late and I'm sleepy. Here goes!















































Okay, the Lost panel was probably the most entertaining one of the entire convention. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof threw together fan-made videos commemorating the series and a Miami Vice-ish opening credits scene with a song written by some Lost fans. When the q & a opened up, the dude who plays Donny the head page on 30 Rock presented the executive producers with a painting of them with a polar bear. Soon afterwards, Hurley asked a few unanswerable questions about the series only to be interrupted by Ben (kinda scary to be in the same room with the guy). Their routine was a pretty funny scenario about Ben originally auditioning for Hurley's part, accompanied by a video of said audition. Right, the panel expanded to include Richard Alpert, Sawyer, and eventually Charlie! I loved it a lot. Lost is a great show, and I'm sad that it's going into its final season.

Afterwards, there was a panel promoting a movie called Solomon Kane. Before it started, I had absolutely no idea what it was. Upon watching the panel, I discovered that it's an adaptation of a comic book by Robert E. Howard who also created Conan. From what I gather, it's about this Puritan dude in the early 1800's who runs around slaying demons. At first I thought, "lame-ass," but the footage was pretty good. The director stressed his desire to make this movie a throwback to old school '80's fantasy movies like Ladyhawke and Beastmaster, which it kinda was. We'll see.














Next, there was a panel for Mike Judge's new movie called Extract. The trailer's out online, and you should watch it if you haven't already. Up there we have Mike Judge, Jason Bateman, and Mila Kunis. The footage was pretty good, and I think that this one will definitely be on par with Office Space, possibly better. On a side note, Mike Judge talks exactly like Hank Hill. Oh, and Jason Bateman vaguely alluded to an Arrested Development movie, saying that everyone's on board but they still need a script.

Moving right along, Sony Pictures presented a panel for 2012 and Zombieland. 2012 is yet another Roland Emmerich disaster movie. This time, L.A. gets flooded and blah blah blah human spirit. Zombieland looked pretty funny though. It's got that Woody Harrelson fella, along with Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. It looks like your basic coming of age zombie movie. I'll hit that.

Now, the panel we were looking forward to all day: Iron Man 2! Here's some pictures, and then I'll try and recreate the footage that we saw using my words:










































As you can see, Robert Downey, Jr., Jon Favreau, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, and Scarlett Johansson were on hand to promote the flick, and by damn does it look wicked. The clip that they showed (twice!) started with Tony Stark in full armor (minus the helmet) hanging out inside the giant donut atop Randy's Donuts in L.A. Oh, and he's appropriately eating some donuts. Then Nick Fury shows up and is like, "Get yo' ass down here!" The pair argue briefly about the Avengers, which Stark calls a "super secret boy band." The footage cuts to a scene of Stark sitting before a group of senators on CNN. A senator played by Gary Shandling keeps probing Stark about his Iron Man "weapon." Hilarity ensues as Stark goads the senator into a rant of "F***k you, Mr. Stark." In the next scene, we have some old newspaper articles and magazine covers plastered all over a dingy basement wall. In Mickey Rourke's Russian accent, Whiplash speaks of Tony Stark coming from a family of thieves and murderers. He says something awesome like, "Blood is in the water, and soon the sharks will come." Then, freaking BOOM! Mickey Rourke's all jacked up with his makeshift electro-whips that he flings around as he approaches a downed Iron Man. Then it's a bunch of action clips, some of which feature Scarlett Johansson looking awesome as the Black Widow. The footage ends with Sam Rockwell as rival billionaire/weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer demonstrating some top of the line guns for Don Cheadle (he took over for James Rhodes). After he finishes, it's all:
Rhodes: I'll take it.
Hammer: Which one?
Rhodes: All of 'em.
The footage ends with effing War Machine with wrist-mounted machine guns and a shoulder mounted gatling gun shooting the hell out of everything!
As far as exclusive footage went, this stuff was amazing. It was long, bitchin', and totally got me jazzed to see this when it comes out next year.

We ended our day with a trip to the exhibition hall, where I picked up volume 8 of The Goon's trade paper back exploits which I later got signed by Eric Powell. Here's a picture of Sheree with a fake Jason Bateman, because we didn't actually get to meet the real Jason Bateman:

Huzzah!

Jul 24, 2009

Tales From the Con, Episode 2: Conversations


Ah! Hello again, readers! Our dude and lady have missed you during their raucous exploits at day 2 of the Con. Now, without further delay, let us resume our journey with this blisteringly attractive couple of adventurers.

Hall H was our adventurer's first stop. Warner Brothers was promoting some of their upcoming releases, along with unreleased footage. The panel started with three scenes from Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are (Not much to photograph, unfortunately. They bust you if you record any of the footage). Verdict: Truly beautiful filmmaking. The music, the creatures, and the setting completely evoke that which was awesome about Maurice Sendak's book. I'm very much looking forward to this one.





















Above, you'll see Gary Oldman, Denzel Washington, and Jackie Earle Haley. The first two were promoting a film called The Book of Eli, which is some kind of post-apocalyptic action fest directed by the Hughes brothers (Dead Presidents, From Hell, and some other stuff). The verdict: Dollar movie worthy, or perhaps just one to watch on cable. Mr. Haley was there promoting the extremely superfluous remake of Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street. Verdict, anyone: The whole idea that someone is remaking this movie bugs me a lot. The director even stooped so low as to call it a "reinvention," and compared it to the relationship between Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins to Tim Burton's Batman. I call bullshit on that!
















Next up, we have Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, Cameron Diaz, and James Marsden. The Fox/Brolin pair were promoting Jonah Hex, which is adapted from a comic book about an ugly ass cowboy and his bad temperment. Verdictus Maximus: Looks a hell of a lot like Ghost Rider, and Ghost Rider was damn near unwatchable. Maybe go see it as an ironic joke. Diaz and Marsden were there for a movie called The Box, which is another flick from the dude who directed Donnie Darko. Do I Smell Verdict? Hard to call. I guess the footage that they showed intrigued me enough to see it, and the dialogue surrounding the 1976 setting was very mysterious. I freaking hate Cameron Diaz though.















Oh ho! Who are these handsome celebrity folk? It's Robert Downey, Jr. and Rachel McAdams, on hand to show us some footage from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. El Verdicto: Balls to the walls. When I heard about the cast and Guy Ritchie and all that good stuff, I was really excited. After seeing the footage, I nearly puked my pants.















Later on, there was a panel for this kinda cool-lookin' movie called 9. It's an animated flick, and Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connely were there because they do voices for it. Oh, and that's Tim Burton! He was one of the producers. At this point of the Con, I decided to take the opportunity to ask a question of Timur Bekmambetov (he directed Wanted and some sweet Russian horror movies called Night Watch and Day Watch. He's also producing this movie):

























Me:
Um, excuse me? Mr. Bekmambetov?
Timur B: Yes?
Me: Uh, I was wondering, um, if there is going to be a Dusk Watch film to finish the Night Watch trilogy?
Timur B: No.
Me: Oh. Drag. Kay, bye.

It's quite humbling to see your ugly mug up on that huge screen, knowing that literally thousands of people can see you and are judging your coolness based solely upon what kind of question you ask. I had to go to the bathroom after I finished. Oh, Verdicto Finale: 9 could be cool, but the footage they showed was veeerrry boring. That makes me think that they're relying too much on how things look, and that tells me that it might suck.
Oh, this is just Peter Jackson in his very first Comic-Con appearance. No big deal. But seriously, it is a big deal. He's producing a movie called District 9 that is about aliens that are being kept in a ghetto by us nasty humans. What's That? Oh, Just A Verdict: I'd place District 9 just under Sherlock Holmes and Where the Wild Things Are on the list of movies that I'm very much looking forward to. There was also a panel for some movie called Legion about militant angels or some dumb thing like that. It looked like a fried turd that had been left under the radiator for three weeks.














Here is where our journey takes a strange turn. Eric Powell (creator of The Goon) was on hand to celebrate Goon's tenth anniversary. Along with him were Thomas Lennon, Robert Garant (otherwise known as officers Jim Dangle and Travis Junior of Reno 911!), and a little boy dressed up like Nacho Libre. Lennon and Garant were posing as Powell's older, white trashier brothers. I don't know what the hell the Nacho Libre kid was doing there though. Towards the end of the panel, they showed some footage of an upcoming animated feature that is being helmed by David Fincher, which was pretty rad. Un-rad, however was Eric Powell himself. He seemed a lot like the quiet kid at your school who is secretly a dick. Oh, and the Reno 911! dudes were very funny for the first fifteen minutes of the panel, but the schtick couldn't sustain itself for the full hour. Meh.

That pretty much concludes day two, readers. Can you handle two more days? Can you? Answer me!!!

Jul 23, 2009

Tales From The Con, Episode 1: Consecrations

This tale begins much like any other. It starts with a dude and a lady (pictured above) who take a journey deep into the heart of California's cultural wilderness. While on this journey, the pair encounter many encounters, both terrible and profound. What follows is a serious of photographic examples of said encountered encounters. Please, try not to go insane. Thank you.
After spending many days wandering through Disneyland's many wonders and terrors (side note: I'm 99% sure that I saw Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins whilst waiting in line for the Matterhorn. Alas, I was too chicken to find out for sure), we found ourselves in Hollywood. Here's a picture of said dude with R2-D2's and C-3PO's footprints. After some time journeying, the pair ran into another pretty awesome pair of journey folk. Behold their triumph as they stand upon the shores of Laguna Beach!But what's this? The pair's surroundings have changed in no small way! They pose within the bowels of the mighty exhibition hall of the San Diego Comic-Con! Though this picture is quite awesome, it still does not manage to capture the complete pandemonium of the exhibition hall. That is one fine lookin' couple though.
















Okay, here are a few pictures from within. On top, you'll notice our dude with Snake Eyes and Storm shadow. We took this picture specifically for Ryan, so he could see a small fraction of the overall coolness he missed while not attending. Then there's our dude being a dork in front of a Dark Horse/Star Wars display. Finally, a set of Iron Man prototype suits, courtesy of Stark Industries.














On to the panels! First we have Eliza Dushku, Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana, and Elizabeth Mitchell talking about what it means to be a woman in the sci-fi world. It was pretty interesting, except for the parts when Eliza Dushku talked. The second picture we have is from the Kick-Ass panel (it's a sweet comic book that they're making into what looks to be a sweet comic book movie). Left to right, there's Matthew Vaughn (director), Jane Goldman (screenwriter), Mark Millar (comic book writer), John Romita, Jr. (comic book artist), Clark Duke (plays a dude in the movie), and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (plays another dude in the movie, also known as McLovin). Oh, and later on Chloe Moretz (plays a little girl assassin) showed up. Nicholas Cage is also in the movie, but he copped out like a chump. They showed some clips, and it looks like a very special kind of rad. If you haven't read Kick-Ass, rectify the situation! Now!
But wait! Who's this with our dude? Do you recognize him? No? Well! That, my friends, is Mike Mignola (creator of Hellboy). On a final run through the exhibition hall, we chanced upon him as he was leaving. I was unprepared for this, but was glad to have gotten a pic with him. Oh, and he signed my Dark Horse preview book. Thug life!














To conclude episode 1 of our tale, here we have our lady and dude exiting the premises to find sustenance and end their first day of the Con. But do not despair, dear reader. There are three more days of Comic-Con action upon which to expound. Keep it tuned here for more from the heart of geekery. So say we all!

Jun 1, 2009

Items of Interest

Drag Me To Hell: Remember that one time when I bitched about horror movies and was really looking forward to Sam Raimi's return to the world of horror? Well, my hopes were not for naught! Sheree, Wong, and I went to see this film on opening night (sadly, it wasn't very full, and I think it was only playing on one screen) and despite it's PG-13 rating, it managed to scare the bejeezus out of all of us. It felt good to have such an exhilarating celluloid experience. It's been a very long time since I've had a movie rip into my mindgrapes so brutally. It's too bad that shitty horror movies like Saw still manage to make more money than the good ones, but I suppose that's the way it works.

Gogol Bordello: I've also mentioned these guys in a blog post (I'm not going to link to it, though). They played at Vegoose a few years back and were awesome. This time around, they played at the Murray Theater, and were equally awesome. I like to think of Gogol Bordello and Arcade Fire as two sides of the same coin. Both bands have a large roster, draw upon a lot of musical talent, and are cool. Gogol Bordello is more frenzied and explosive, whereas Arcade Fire is more reserved and brooding. And that, my friends, is an attempt to sound like I know stuff about stuff.

The Goon: This has become one of my favorite comic book diversions. It's drawn and written by a dude named Eric Powell, and it's like we share the same part of our brains where we can't stop thinking about zombies, monsters, and thugs who stab zombies and monsters in the eye. In a bit of crazy awesomeness, Hellboy gets pulled into an issue of The Goon, and together they do battle with a horde of Communist mollusks that fly around via balloons strapped to their backs.

Other things that are still cool, but that I'm not going to expound upon due to self-explanatory coolness:

Lost
season 5 finale!
Pushing Daisies!
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman!
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia on DS!
Steve Wiebe's Donkey Kong-quest at E3!
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by Phoenix!

May 6, 2009

There's Always Room for Giallo

I suppose this all started as a result of the following unholy union: iTunes+Castlevania: Symphony of the Night+morbid curiosity= ?. It was a cold, dark night. While slouching in my chair, eyes half closed with a clear stream of drool issuing from the corner of my mouth, I was poring over the current Genius recommendations that iTunes had for me. The songs all bled together into a cacophonous mass of sights and sounds. Unable to handle the sheer psychological stress of the depths of which I was traversing, I blacked out. When I came to, my computer screen greeted me with this disturbing image. Had I been in full posession of my faculties, I would have just closed iTunes and forgotten that the whole thing had ever happened. But at this particular moment in time, I did click, and I did listen. As the audible insanity of Goblin assaulted my mind grapes (as it is now assaulting yours!), a slew of haunting yet familiar images started to form within my nebulous brain. A castle, inverted. A male hero who was drawn with a very feminine facial structure. Bats, fish-men, skeletons, zombies, and...Death Incarnate! Was it? It was! Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! The salacious synths and guillotined guitars of Goblin could have been pulled directly from the haunted screens of the aforementioned graphical distraction! Having long abandoned my sanity, I probed deeper into the mystery of Goblin. After wandering lonely online avenues that I will not reveal, my search lead me to an Italian dude, his trilogy of witchcraft, and the terror of....Giallo. THE DUDE: Dario Argento, master of Mediterrenean macabre! THE TRILOGY: Le Tri Madre (The Three Mothers), wanderers across the wide world of witchcraft! GIALLO: It's description is to terrible for my fingers to form into words...behold, if you dare! The unbridled terror that presented itself after my frenzy-induced Google search caused me to black out for a second, and more prolonged period of time. I awoke around dusk of the following day, covered in dozens of ham and cheese Hot Pocket wrappers and lying face down in an unfamiliar parking lot. I arose to observe my surroundings. The parking lot belonged to a local video rental chain. Disobeying the last shreds of humanity that were faintly screaming for me to halt and return to my normal, God-fearing ways, I entered. I was drawn to the horror section like a vulture to a rotting bison carcass. Almost purely involuntarily, my hands reached for Suspiria and Inferno(comprising volumes one and two of the trilogy) but where was the third? Where was Mother of Tears? Ignoring all sense of public decency and decorum, I approached the counter attendant and urged her to contribute to my insanity by locating volume three of the trilogy. When she could not, I thrashed and I bellowed, knocking over a shelving unit filled with Jujy Fruits, Sno-Caps, Dots, and Junior Mints...sweet memories of a world of which I was no longer a part. I fled the scene with my prize and swiftly returned to my abode to obliterate what was left of my sound mind. I watched them both without pause, but without the third film, something was incomplete. Now, I am but a wanderer, searching for this last volume that will either bring me peace...or damnation.