Tales Fron The Con, Episode 3: Constitution

Gosh, we look freaking tired! Here we are at day 3 of the Con, and we had just arrived in hall H to see the Lost panel. It's been a long and strange road, but we've managed to pierce the very heart of geekdom. It has definitely taken a toll on our souls, but such profound awesomeness is worth it. Anywho, I'm not planning on writing all that much because I think the point of these entries is to share our photos. Also, it's late and I'm sleepy. Here goes!















































Okay, the Lost panel was probably the most entertaining one of the entire convention. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof threw together fan-made videos commemorating the series and a Miami Vice-ish opening credits scene with a song written by some Lost fans. When the q & a opened up, the dude who plays Donny the head page on 30 Rock presented the executive producers with a painting of them with a polar bear. Soon afterwards, Hurley asked a few unanswerable questions about the series only to be interrupted by Ben (kinda scary to be in the same room with the guy). Their routine was a pretty funny scenario about Ben originally auditioning for Hurley's part, accompanied by a video of said audition. Right, the panel expanded to include Richard Alpert, Sawyer, and eventually Charlie! I loved it a lot. Lost is a great show, and I'm sad that it's going into its final season.

Afterwards, there was a panel promoting a movie called Solomon Kane. Before it started, I had absolutely no idea what it was. Upon watching the panel, I discovered that it's an adaptation of a comic book by Robert E. Howard who also created Conan. From what I gather, it's about this Puritan dude in the early 1800's who runs around slaying demons. At first I thought, "lame-ass," but the footage was pretty good. The director stressed his desire to make this movie a throwback to old school '80's fantasy movies like Ladyhawke and Beastmaster, which it kinda was. We'll see.














Next, there was a panel for Mike Judge's new movie called Extract. The trailer's out online, and you should watch it if you haven't already. Up there we have Mike Judge, Jason Bateman, and Mila Kunis. The footage was pretty good, and I think that this one will definitely be on par with Office Space, possibly better. On a side note, Mike Judge talks exactly like Hank Hill. Oh, and Jason Bateman vaguely alluded to an Arrested Development movie, saying that everyone's on board but they still need a script.

Moving right along, Sony Pictures presented a panel for 2012 and Zombieland. 2012 is yet another Roland Emmerich disaster movie. This time, L.A. gets flooded and blah blah blah human spirit. Zombieland looked pretty funny though. It's got that Woody Harrelson fella, along with Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. It looks like your basic coming of age zombie movie. I'll hit that.

Now, the panel we were looking forward to all day: Iron Man 2! Here's some pictures, and then I'll try and recreate the footage that we saw using my words:










































As you can see, Robert Downey, Jr., Jon Favreau, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, and Scarlett Johansson were on hand to promote the flick, and by damn does it look wicked. The clip that they showed (twice!) started with Tony Stark in full armor (minus the helmet) hanging out inside the giant donut atop Randy's Donuts in L.A. Oh, and he's appropriately eating some donuts. Then Nick Fury shows up and is like, "Get yo' ass down here!" The pair argue briefly about the Avengers, which Stark calls a "super secret boy band." The footage cuts to a scene of Stark sitting before a group of senators on CNN. A senator played by Gary Shandling keeps probing Stark about his Iron Man "weapon." Hilarity ensues as Stark goads the senator into a rant of "F***k you, Mr. Stark." In the next scene, we have some old newspaper articles and magazine covers plastered all over a dingy basement wall. In Mickey Rourke's Russian accent, Whiplash speaks of Tony Stark coming from a family of thieves and murderers. He says something awesome like, "Blood is in the water, and soon the sharks will come." Then, freaking BOOM! Mickey Rourke's all jacked up with his makeshift electro-whips that he flings around as he approaches a downed Iron Man. Then it's a bunch of action clips, some of which feature Scarlett Johansson looking awesome as the Black Widow. The footage ends with Sam Rockwell as rival billionaire/weapons manufacturer Justin Hammer demonstrating some top of the line guns for Don Cheadle (he took over for James Rhodes). After he finishes, it's all:
Rhodes: I'll take it.
Hammer: Which one?
Rhodes: All of 'em.
The footage ends with effing War Machine with wrist-mounted machine guns and a shoulder mounted gatling gun shooting the hell out of everything!
As far as exclusive footage went, this stuff was amazing. It was long, bitchin', and totally got me jazzed to see this when it comes out next year.

We ended our day with a trip to the exhibition hall, where I picked up volume 8 of The Goon's trade paper back exploits which I later got signed by Eric Powell. Here's a picture of Sheree with a fake Jason Bateman, because we didn't actually get to meet the real Jason Bateman:

Huzzah!

Tales From the Con, Episode 2: Conversations

Ah! Hello again, readers! Our dude and lady have missed you during their raucous exploits at day 2 of the Con. Now, without further delay, let us resume our journey with this blisteringly attractive couple of adventurers.

Hall H was our adventurer's first stop. Warner Brothers was promoting some of their upcoming releases, along with unreleased footage. The panel started with three scenes from Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are (Not much to photograph, unfortunately. They bust you if you record any of the footage). Verdict: Truly beautiful filmmaking. The music, the creatures, and the setting completely evoke that which was awesome about Maurice Sendak's book. I'm very much looking forward to this one.





















Above, you'll see Gary Oldman, Denzel Washington, and Jackie Earle Haley. The first two were promoting a film called The Book of Eli, which is some kind of post-apocalyptic action fest directed by the Hughes brothers (Dead Presidents, From Hell, and some other stuff). The verdict: Dollar movie worthy, or perhaps just one to watch on cable. Mr. Haley was there promoting the extremely superfluous remake of Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street. Verdict, anyone: The whole idea that someone is remaking this movie bugs me a lot. The director even stooped so low as to call it a "reinvention," and compared it to the relationship between Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins to Tim Burton's Batman. I call bullshit on that!
















Next up, we have Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, Cameron Diaz, and James Marsden. The Fox/Brolin pair were promoting Jonah Hex, which is adapted from a comic book about an ugly ass cowboy and his bad temperment. Verdictus Maximus: Looks a hell of a lot like Ghost Rider, and Ghost Rider was damn near unwatchable. Maybe go see it as an ironic joke. Diaz and Marsden were there for a movie called The Box, which is another flick from the dude who directed Donnie Darko. Do I Smell Verdict? Hard to call. I guess the footage that they showed intrigued me enough to see it, and the dialogue surrounding the 1976 setting was very mysterious. I freaking hate Cameron Diaz though.















Oh ho! Who are these handsome celebrity folk? It's Robert Downey, Jr. and Rachel McAdams, on hand to show us some footage from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. El Verdicto: Balls to the walls. When I heard about the cast and Guy Ritchie and all that good stuff, I was really excited. After seeing the footage, I nearly puked my pants.















Later on, there was a panel for this kinda cool-lookin' movie called 9. It's an animated flick, and Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connely were there because they do voices for it. Oh, and that's Tim Burton! He was one of the producers. At this point of the Con, I decided to take the opportunity to ask a question of Timur Bekmambetov (he directed Wanted and some sweet Russian horror movies called Night Watch and Day Watch. He's also producing this movie):

























Me: Um, excuse me? Mr. Bekmambetov?
Timur B: Yes?
Me: Uh, I was wondering, um, if there is going to be a Dusk Watch film to finish the Night Watch trilogy?
Timur B: No.
Me: Oh. Drag. Kay, bye.

It's quite humbling to see your ugly mug up on that huge screen, knowing that literally thousands of people can see you and are judging your coolness based solely upon what kind of question you ask. I had to go to the bathroom after I finished. Oh, Verdicto Finale: 9 could be cool, but the footage they showed was veeerrry boring. That makes me think that they're relying too much on how things look, and that tells me that it might suck.
Oh, this is just Peter Jackson in his very first Comic-Con appearance. No big deal. But seriously, it is a big deal. He's producing a movie called District 9 that is about aliens that are being kept in a ghetto by us nasty humans. What's That? Oh, Just A Verdict: I'd place District 9 just under Sherlock Holmes and Where the Wild Things Are on the list of movies that I'm very much looking forward to. There was also a panel for some movie called Legion about militant angels or some dumb thing like that. It looked like a fried turd that had been left under the radiator for three weeks.














Here is where our journey takes a strange turn. Eric Powell (creator of The Goon) was on hand to celebrate Goon's tenth anniversary. Along with him were Thomas Lennon, Robert Garant (otherwise known as officers Jim Dangle and Travis Junior of Reno 911!), and a little boy dressed up like Nacho Libre. Lennon and Garant were posing as Powell's older, white trashier brothers. I don't know what the hell the Nacho Libre kid was doing there though. Towards the end of the panel, they showed some footage of an upcoming animated feature that is being helmed by David Fincher, which was pretty rad. Un-rad, however was Eric Powell himself. He seemed a lot like the quiet kid at your school who is secretly a dick. Oh, and the Reno 911! dudes were very funny for the first fifteen minutes of the panel, but the schtick couldn't sustain itself for the full hour. Meh.

That pretty much concludes day two, readers. Can you handle two more days? Can you? Answer me!!!

Tales From The Con, Episode 1: Consecrations

This tale begins much like any other. It starts with a dude and a lady (pictured above) who take a journey deep into the heart of California's cultural wilderness. While on this journey, the pair encounter many encounters, both terrible and profound. What follows is a serious of photographic examples of said encountered encounters. Please, try not to go insane. Thank you.
After spending many days wandering through Disneyland's many wonders and terrors (side note: I'm 99% sure that I saw Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins whilst waiting in line for the Matterhorn. Alas, I was too chicken to find out for sure), we found ourselves in Hollywood. Here's a picture of said dude with R2-D2's and C-3PO's footprints. After some time journeying, the pair ran into another pretty awesome pair of journey folk. Behold their triumph as they stand upon the shores of Laguna Beach!But what's this? The pair's surroundings have changed in no small way! They pose within the bowels of the mighty exhibition hall of the San Diego Comic-Con! Though this picture is quite awesome, it still does not manage to capture the complete pandemonium of the exhibition hall. That is one fine lookin' couple though.
















Okay, here are a few pictures from within. On top, you'll notice our dude with Snake Eyes and Storm shadow. We took this picture specifically for Ryan, so he could see a small fraction of the overall coolness he missed while not attending. Then there's our dude being a dork in front of a Dark Horse/Star Wars display. Finally, a set of Iron Man prototype suits, courtesy of Stark Industries.














On to the panels! First we have Eliza Dushku, Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana, and Elizabeth Mitchell talking about what it means to be a woman in the sci-fi world. It was pretty interesting, except for the parts when Eliza Dushku talked. The second picture we have is from the Kick-Ass panel (it's a sweet comic book that they're making into what looks to be a sweet comic book movie). Left to right, there's Matthew Vaughn (director), Jane Goldman (screenwriter), Mark Millar (comic book writer), John Romita, Jr. (comic book artist), Clark Duke (plays a dude in the movie), and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (plays another dude in the movie, also known as McLovin). Oh, and later on Chloe Moretz (plays a little girl assassin) showed up. Nicholas Cage is also in the movie, but he copped out like a chump. They showed some clips, and it looks like a very special kind of rad. If you haven't read Kick-Ass, rectify the situation! Now!
But wait! Who's this with our dude? Do you recognize him? No? Well! That, my friends, is Mike Mignola (creator of Hellboy). On a final run through the exhibition hall, we chanced upon him as he was leaving. I was unprepared for this, but was glad to have gotten a pic with him. Oh, and he signed my Dark Horse preview book. Thug life!














To conclude episode 1 of our tale, here we have our lady and dude exiting the premises to find sustenance and end their first day of the Con. But do not despair, dear reader. There are three more days of Comic-Con action upon which to expound. Keep it tuned here for more from the heart of geekery. So say we all!